/u/aminervia on sex averse but foreplay favorable

I love foreplay as long as it doesn't involve either of our genitalia outside underwear or tongues. It got me into a lot of trouble in my 20s-- it's hard to back out of a sexual encounter once you've gotten that far and when I tried to say no or back out I would be overwhelmed with self loathing. I was even called a sadist once by a guy who thought that I get off leading men on and then leaving them to "take care" of themselves.

I feel sexual desire up until the point that the sex part starts. Then my body is like "nope, I'm done" and my brain shuts down with revulsion.

I even masturbate (in my own way) thinking about sexual encounters but it lasts about 30 seconds max and I never climax. I spent hundreds of dollars on toys recommended by friends because the concept of masturbation without orgasming was horrifying to them.

I'm so grateful to have found the "graysexual" label, because up until now I had thought I was mentally and physically broken. I've seen doctors about my lack of ability to orgasm, not realizing that it really isn't the ability that was off but the desire to try just dissipates.





October 27, 2020 at 11:45PM
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