Wife distracted from marriage?

So my wife and I have been married 3 years and dating for close to 10 years. For the most part everything was always good. We met at work and used to spend every second together. I’ve now been on 2nd shift for 4 years and she works from home watching kids. This sucked because we weren’t always with eachother but we would still text all day long. I’ve noticed over probably the last year things have changed a lot. She has a friend (female) who used to live Nextdoor to us but they lost touch when we moved. Recently they started talking again. Within that time Period that they started talking my wife has gotten really into spirituality. This is when I feel like everything started changing. It started with just liking crystals and listening to people on Facebook. I was raised catholic but no longer am I really religious but I wasn’t a fan of it and told her how I felt. (Not only cause of religion but I just always thought it wasnt for me, the whole psychic aspect) At one point she lied to me twice about calling to a certain guy from another state for a tarot reading. (First time she paid $300 for tarot classes and was still awake when I got home from work one night and said she couldn’t sleep but she had just hung up with the guy before I got home..I saw from phone records. The second time she wasnt answering her phone when I was working so I called my stepsons phone and he gave her the phone, she said hers was on the charger..phone records showed she was talking to that same guy again..she hung up with him when I called my stepsons phone told me hers was charging and then called him right back when we hung up) I was obviously upset and confronted her. Things with the spirituality slowed down for a while, then started to pick up again. She doesn’t have many hobbies so I try to just let it be even tho it bothers me. Over a small amount of time it has come to the point where she has a Facebook page dedicated to spirituality and does readings for strangers online, and even text with a few of them outside of readings. (All females as far as I know). I feel like she text me way less than she used to. A lot of her focus is on spirituality....When I am home she does text a decent amount but things are still good between us. Anytime I say I feel like she’s on her phone too much or I feel like spirituality has taken away from our connection and I feel distant she gets defensive and usually says it’s because we have 3 kids and work different shifts. Obviously that is partly true but I feel like maybe her mind is on other things while I’m working. (She doesn’t need to think about or text me all the time but things feel different) She told me she doesn’t text that much other than with parents picking up and dropping off thier kids. I looked at Verizon online and saw that I sent about 100 text in a cycle and she sent about 1,500.....(a lot of her spirituality readings and classes are thru Skype and Facebook messenger, so that not even counting that) I can see the numbers and time of the text but not the contents of the message. To be fair I know she does text with some parents of children but these text are just a small portion of that..I noticed there was 1 number she was texting A lot. I asked her about it and she said it was her same female friend I mentioned earlier.(i do believe it is her female friend and I have met her multiple times) She never openly talks to me about her relationship with her friend. Not that I need to know everything but not even once in a while like “oh look what so and so said.” I had no idea she was texting her that much. Multiple times first thing in the morning through out the day and sometimes that’s the last person she will text before bed. If I ask who’s she’s texting often she says it’s annoying. But I don’t know a lot these people from the spirituality stuff. So overall I don’t even really know. I can be a jealous person. She communicates with her female friend way more than me during the week but never talks about it. With the whole spirituality thing she is connecting/talking with multiple people on a personal level. If I asked about readings and what they talked about she would be pretty open but there’s not enough time in the day for me to ask about everyone she talks to or do I know when and who she’s talking too. My main concern is my feeling of distance. I don’t want to always ask who she’s talking to or what she’s doing and push her away but I just feel like she’s very distant. Occasionally I’ll question if what she’s telling me is true because of lying about talking to that other spiritual guy. And paying for classes on her credit card without telling me....So obviously I want her to have friends and do something she loves. I just feel like our marriage is possibly being damaged because this causes a lot of fights. Any advice?

Submitted September 09, 2020 at 11:37PM

So my wife and I have been married 3 years and dating for close to 10 years. For the most part everything was always good. We met at work and used to spend every second together. I’ve now been on 2nd shift for 4 years and she works from home watching kids. This sucked because we weren’t always with eachother but we would still text all day long. I’ve noticed over probably the last year things have changed a lot. She has a friend (female) who used to live Nextdoor to us but they lost touch when we moved. Recently they started talking again. Within that time Period that they started talking my wife has gotten really into spirituality. This is when I feel like everything started changing. It started with just liking crystals and listening to people on Facebook. I was raised catholic but no longer am I really religious but I wasn’t a fan of it and told her how I felt. (Not only cause of religion but I just always thought it wasnt for me, the whole psychic aspect) At one point she lied to me twice about calling to a certain guy from another state for a tarot reading. (First time she paid $300 for tarot classes and was still awake when I got home from work one night and said she couldn’t sleep but she had just hung up with the guy before I got home..I saw from phone records. The second time she wasnt answering her phone when I was working so I called my stepsons phone and he gave her the phone, she said hers was on the charger..phone records showed she was talking to that same guy again..she hung up with him when I called my stepsons phone told me hers was charging and then called him right back when we hung up) I was obviously upset and confronted her. Things with the spirituality slowed down for a while, then started to pick up again. She doesn’t have many hobbies so I try to just let it be even tho it bothers me. Over a small amount of time it has come to the point where she has a Facebook page dedicated to spirituality and does readings for strangers online, and even text with a few of them outside of readings. (All females as far as I know). I feel like she text me way less than she used to. A lot of her focus is on spirituality....When I am home she does text a decent amount but things are still good between us. Anytime I say I feel like she’s on her phone too much or I feel like spirituality has taken away from our connection and I feel distant she gets defensive and usually says it’s because we have 3 kids and work different shifts. Obviously that is partly true but I feel like maybe her mind is on other things while I’m working. (She doesn’t need to think about or text me all the time but things feel different) She told me she doesn’t text that much other than with parents picking up and dropping off thier kids. I looked at Verizon online and saw that I sent about 100 text in a cycle and she sent about 1,500.....(a lot of her spirituality readings and classes are thru Skype and Facebook messenger, so that not even counting that) I can see the numbers and time of the text but not the contents of the message. To be fair I know she does text with some parents of children but these text are just a small portion of that..I noticed there was 1 number she was texting A lot. I asked her about it and she said it was her same female friend I mentioned earlier.(i do believe it is her female friend and I have met her multiple times) She never openly talks to me about her relationship with her friend. Not that I need to know everything but not even once in a while like “oh look what so and so said.” I had no idea she was texting her that much. Multiple times first thing in the morning through out the day and sometimes that’s the last person she will text before bed. If I ask who’s she’s texting often she says it’s annoying. But I don’t know a lot these people from the spirituality stuff. So overall I don’t even really know. I can be a jealous person. She communicates with her female friend way more than me during the week but never talks about it. With the whole spirituality thing she is connecting/talking with multiple people on a personal level. If I asked about readings and what they talked about she would be pretty open but there’s not enough time in the day for me to ask about everyone she talks to or do I know when and who she’s talking too. My main concern is my feeling of distance. I don’t want to always ask who she’s talking to or what she’s doing and push her away but I just feel like she’s very distant. Occasionally I’ll question if what she’s telling me is true because of lying about talking to that other spiritual guy. And paying for classes on her credit card without telling me....So obviously I want her to have friends and do something she loves. I just feel like our marriage is possibly being damaged because this causes a lot of fights. Any advice?