Late Bloomer - Online Dating/FWB (30 F)

I don't know how else to put this, but I'm a late bloomer when it comes to dating. I was always bad at it, and it would be like instead of trying and failing at things, I just...let years pass by. I'm not a 10, but I am attractive. I've done enough things and been successful enough, there is no reason I should hate myself or think I am not interesting. However, I've struggled with debilitating anxiety and depression hard since I was 19. I don't know exactly why or how I managed to make it to 30 and be where I am (with dating). I've been in therapy on and off since I was 19, so I've come a long way. It's like I woke up one day and was just here. I have managed to casually date a few people (nothing ever longer than 1-3 months), and had sex with 2 people. Once each time, one was a veritable stranger and the other was a lifelong friend. I'm like Goldilocks out here...

Anyway, I'm a very liberal woman. I've always been the #1 supporter of my modern women* friends (*modern women is my term for women who sleep with anyone and everyone they want, the same way a lot of men did without stigma for a long time), and part of me is almost jealous I didn't spend my twenties exploring more. As I get older and have grown more comfortable with letting go and dating, I feel like I am still constantly back and forth between not wanting to waste my time with a FWB, but also thinking maybe I could get some of the sexual experiences I didn't have in my twenites.

I know no one can TELL me exactly what to do. I have a lot of paranoia that both a FWB or even a serious relationship would be deterred from my history, but I also think this could be me self-sabotaging. I would appreciate a wide range of advice. I've had friends tell me guys hate modest women, or they hate loose women, or I'm being too picky, or I can do so much better than the guy I like... Maybe I just need to stop listening to everyone in my life? Am I overthinking all of this? Would love to hear from someone else in my shoes. Thanks!



Submitted September 13, 2020 at 11:34PM

I don't know how else to put this, but I'm a late bloomer when it comes to dating. I was always bad at it, and it would be like instead of trying and failing at things, I just...let years pass by. I'm not a 10, but I am attractive. I've done enough things and been successful enough, there is no reason I should hate myself or think I am not interesting. However, I've struggled with debilitating anxiety and depression hard since I was 19. I don't know exactly why or how I managed to make it to 30 and be where I am (with dating). I've been in therapy on and off since I was 19, so I've come a long way. It's like I woke up one day and was just here. I have managed to casually date a few people (nothing ever longer than 1-3 months), and had sex with 2 people. Once each time, one was a veritable stranger and the other was a lifelong friend. I'm like Goldilocks out here...Anyway, I'm a very liberal woman. I've always been the #1 supporter of my modern women* friends (*modern women is my term for women who sleep with anyone and everyone they want, the same way a lot of men did without stigma for a long time), and part of me is almost jealous I didn't spend my twenties exploring more. As I get older and have grown more comfortable with letting go and dating, I feel like I am still constantly back and forth between not wanting to waste my time with a FWB, but also thinking maybe I could get some of the sexual experiences I didn't have in my twenites.I know no one can TELL me exactly what to do. I have a lot of paranoia that both a FWB or even a serious relationship would be deterred from my history, but I also think this could be me self-sabotaging. I would appreciate a wide range of advice. I've had friends tell me guys hate modest women, or they hate loose women, or I'm being too picky, or I can do so much better than the guy I like... Maybe I just need to stop listening to everyone in my life? Am I overthinking all of this? Would love to hear from someone else in my shoes. Thanks!
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