Did I make the right decision?

31F here dating a 36M for just two months (9 weeks) now. We had a lot of fun on our dates - usually twice a week. He texted regularly, didn’t flake, seemed enthusiastic and also cooked multiple meals for me. We got along well and had common interests and were both looking for something serious. I grew to like him.

At the one month mark, things still never really became physical and we hadn’t kissed or anything so I was wondering where it was going. He replied that we felt very comfortable together but feelings had to be developed.

It is now the two month mark, and things have not changed since then. No physical contact. I dropped various hints and flirted but nothing happened.

Decided to ask him what was up - he said that he had feelings for me but they were “not intense”. He had been hoping for a spark and “the feeling”. He then suggested we give it a try developing the spark since we fit really well on paper. He felt that pragmatically things could develop if we tried hard. He said that we could walk away maturely and not ghost if it didn’t work out. We have a few mutual friends.

I told him that I don’t think such things have to be developed and I felt upset that we even have to talk about it this way. I asked him whether he wanted to find someone he truly likes at the start - he said he met that person in the past and thinks that person won’t come by again.

I ended things today. I told him that it feels too unnatural this way and we shouldn’t have to try so hard. He took it well and we wished each other the best.

I understand everyone moves at their own paces in relationships. I don’t feel I was rushing things, just wanting to understand why we had not progressed.

Despite this, I am in two minds about if I should have agreed to giving what he said a try, even though I don’t understand it. I do like him. But am I wrong thinking that maybe he wasn’t really attracted to me in the first place?

The other question is - Is two months too short a time to give up?

——

A side note: I had a mini emergency (a flat tyre) a few weeks ago that multiple friends offered to come to my aid but he didn’t even offer or ask me how I was. I was feeling pretty bummed at that point. He told me that he couldn’t help me because he didn’t have a car. Then the next day, said that he felt my flat tyre was a non-issue. We laughed about it then. Could this have been a sign he didn’t care much?

Thank you for your responses.

Submitted September 13, 2020 at 11:16PM

31F here dating a 36M for just two months (9 weeks) now. We had a lot of fun on our dates - usually twice a week. He texted regularly, didn’t flake, seemed enthusiastic and also cooked multiple meals for me. We got along well and had common interests and were both looking for something serious. I grew to like him.At the one month mark, things still never really became physical and we hadn’t kissed or anything so I was wondering where it was going. He replied that we felt very comfortable together but feelings had to be developed.It is now the two month mark, and things have not changed since then. No physical contact. I dropped various hints and flirted but nothing happened.Decided to ask him what was up - he said that he had feelings for me but they were “not intense”. He had been hoping for a spark and “the feeling”. He then suggested we give it a try developing the spark since we fit really well on paper. He felt that pragmatically things could develop if we tried hard. He said that we could walk away maturely and not ghost if it didn’t work out. We have a few mutual friends.I told him that I don’t think such things have to be developed and I felt upset that we even have to talk about it this way. I asked him whether he wanted to find someone he truly likes at the start - he said he met that person in the past and thinks that person won’t come by again.I ended things today. I told him that it feels too unnatural this way and we shouldn’t have to try so hard. He took it well and we wished each other the best.I understand everyone moves at their own paces in relationships. I don’t feel I was rushing things, just wanting to understand why we had not progressed.Despite this, I am in two minds about if I should have agreed to giving what he said a try, even though I don’t understand it. I do like him. But am I wrong thinking that maybe he wasn’t really attracted to me in the first place?The other question is - Is two months too short a time to give up?——A side note: I had a mini emergency (a flat tyre) a few weeks ago that multiple friends offered to come to my aid but he didn’t even offer or ask me how I was. I was feeling pretty bummed at that point. He told me that he couldn’t help me because he didn’t have a car. Then the next day, said that he felt my flat tyre was a non-issue. We laughed about it then. Could this have been a sign he didn’t care much?Thank you for your responses.