30/M--been dating a 28/F and having a bunch of mixed feelings about the situation

Technically not "over thirty", but I figured I'm close and would get slightly more mature advice here.

​

The situation is: she's only a month and a half out of a long-term relationship (where she did the breaking up and says she's not "hurting" from it), and I'm catching feelings for her and want to start veering towards a relationship (or at least exclusivity) with her. I don't know if she's talking to/seeing/sleeping with other guys, and we haven't had the "feelings" or exclusivity talk either. We've been seeing each other from pretty soon after she broke up with her previous boyfriend, have had about 10-12 dates/hangouts or whatever you want to call them, and have also been sleeping with each other without protection (but she is on birth control). I hate power games in relationships, but I know they exist, and feel like if I'M the one who brings up feelings and exclusivity I'm going to put myself at a huge power disadvantage. Plus, if she doesn't feel the same or isn't ready to take "the extra step" I feel like it's going to completely ruin what we currently have. Although since we haven't been using protection it would probably (and logically) be a good idea to ask who else she's involved with.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do. On one hand I just want to tell her how I feel, but on the other hand I feel like playing it cool is the best thing to do.

Thing is, this situation has also been taxing on my emotional state. I feel like I SHOULD be talking to other women because "putting all my eggs in one basket" of a person just coming out of a long-term relationship isn't a great idea. But since I have feelings for her it feels weird to talk to other women--like I'm doing something wrong.

Then I'm also having these feelings of insecurity and dread. Like I'm going to ruin this or it's suddenly going to crumble. Like the next time I text her for a date/hangout she's going to end it/reject me. Or she's going to start flaking/ghosting. Shit, I even took a nap earlier today and had what I can only describe as an "abandonment" dream--I was a kid and couldn't find my parents is the simplest description.



Submitted June 29, 2020 at 11:39PM

Technically not "over thirty", but I figured I'm close and would get slightly more mature advice here.​The situation is: she's only a month and a half out of a long-term relationship (where she did the breaking up and says she's not "hurting" from it), and I'm catching feelings for her and want to start veering towards a relationship (or at least exclusivity) with her. I don't know if she's talking to/seeing/sleeping with other guys, and we haven't had the "feelings" or exclusivity talk either. We've been seeing each other from pretty soon after she broke up with her previous boyfriend, have had about 10-12 dates/hangouts or whatever you want to call them, and have also been sleeping with each other without protection (but she is on birth control). I hate power games in relationships, but I know they exist, and feel like if I'M the one who brings up feelings and exclusivity I'm going to put myself at a huge power disadvantage. Plus, if she doesn't feel the same or isn't ready to take "the extra step" I feel like it's going to completely ruin what we currently have. Although since we haven't been using protection it would probably (and logically) be a good idea to ask who else she's involved with.To be honest, I'm not really sure what to do. On one hand I just want to tell her how I feel, but on the other hand I feel like playing it cool is the best thing to do.Thing is, this situation has also been taxing on my emotional state. I feel like I SHOULD be talking to other women because "putting all my eggs in one basket" of a person just coming out of a long-term relationship isn't a great idea. But since I have feelings for her it feels weird to talk to other women--like I'm doing something wrong.Then I'm also having these feelings of insecurity and dread. Like I'm going to ruin this or it's suddenly going to crumble. Like the next time I text her for a date/hangout she's going to end it/reject me. Or she's going to start flaking/ghosting. Shit, I even took a nap earlier today and had what I can only describe as an "abandonment" dream--I was a kid and couldn't find my parents is the simplest description.
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