Struggling to communicate about sex with autistic boyfriend

I (18f) love my boyfriend (18m) so much. We've been together for nearly two years and he was my first time having penatrative sex. The issue is I can't orgasm with him, I don't feel awkward or self conscious but I don't think I'm ever going to get there. We are a pretty strong couple, he is very kind and empathetic so most of the time we communicate great but not so much about sex.

Honestly I just feel unsatisfied and I know it's for a mixture of reasons.

  1. My sex drive is really high and his isn't. He also works long night shifts and I don't see him as much as I used to, most of the time he's too tired for sex so I just blow him instead.

  2. I feel like there's so many things I'm dying to try but he's had so many partners (been having sex since he was 11/12 which I think is pretty fucked up). Occasionally I'll build up the courage to ask for something kinky in a non-sexy environment and he says he's done it before and would be fine doing it with me but never actually does it whenever the next time we end up having sex is.

  3. He absolutely refuses to tell me what it is he's into. No matter how much I tell him there's nothing to be embarrassed about he insists that there isn't anything in particular that gets him going, he just likes having sex with me. He orgasms every time so maybe I'm doing everything just fine, but opening up about all the weird shit I want to do with no reciprocation just makes me feel selfish and awkward. I get the feeling he would do things for me even if he wasn't totally comfortable with it and that makes me not want to ask at all.

  4. He orgasms much quicker than he used to. I imagine this is normal but it's just a little disheartening because I remember the honeymoon phase when we were going at it more often and for longer and I was mindblown - didn't give a shit if I came or not I was just having fun. Now I feel like all I think about the whole time is how it could be over any second and that I don't want it to be over yet.

He is very introverted when it comes to sex, I never see his penis unless we're having sex and he doesn't really bring sex up in conversation. I'm getting to the point where I'm so frustrated I'm becoming obsessed with sex and I don't know if this is normal for a teen girl. I have wet dreams all the time, watch porn and masturbate frequently, I think about it before bed and when I don't see him for a while I intricately plan our next encounter but usually things don't work out the way I hope. I still enjoy sex with him don't get me wrong but I think I keep putting my expectations a bit too high and I kind of need to stop doing that.. I'm just so fixated on not being able to orgasm with him it's driving me crazy.

If anyone has any advice that would be great, if not it was nice to vent a bit anyway. I feel like I'm the problem and I don't know what I should do differently. (Don't bother saying we should break up because that's not happening.)



Submitted September 03, 2019 at 11:17PM

I (18f) love my boyfriend (18m) so much. We've been together for nearly two years and he was my first time having penatrative sex. The issue is I can't orgasm with him, I don't feel awkward or self conscious but I don't think I'm ever going to get there. We are a pretty strong couple, he is very kind and empathetic so most of the time we communicate great but not so much about sex.Honestly I just feel unsatisfied and I know it's for a mixture of reasons.My sex drive is really high and his isn't. He also works long night shifts and I don't see him as much as I used to, most of the time he's too tired for sex so I just blow him instead.I feel like there's so many things I'm dying to try but he's had so many partners (been having sex since he was 11/12 which I think is pretty fucked up). Occasionally I'll build up the courage to ask for something kinky in a non-sexy environment and he says he's done it before and would be fine doing it with me but never actually does it whenever the next time we end up having sex is.He absolutely refuses to tell me what it is he's into. No matter how much I tell him there's nothing to be embarrassed about he insists that there isn't anything in particular that gets him going, he just likes having sex with me. He orgasms every time so maybe I'm doing everything just fine, but opening up about all the weird shit I want to do with no reciprocation just makes me feel selfish and awkward. I get the feeling he would do things for me even if he wasn't totally comfortable with it and that makes me not want to ask at all.He orgasms much quicker than he used to. I imagine this is normal but it's just a little disheartening because I remember the honeymoon phase when we were going at it more often and for longer and I was mindblown - didn't give a shit if I came or not I was just having fun. Now I feel like all I think about the whole time is how it could be over any second and that I don't want it to be over yet.He is very introverted when it comes to sex, I never see his penis unless we're having sex and he doesn't really bring sex up in conversation. I'm getting to the point where I'm so frustrated I'm becoming obsessed with sex and I don't know if this is normal for a teen girl. I have wet dreams all the time, watch porn and masturbate frequently, I think about it before bed and when I don't see him for a while I intricately plan our next encounter but usually things don't work out the way I hope. I still enjoy sex with him don't get me wrong but I think I keep putting my expectations a bit too high and I kind of need to stop doing that.. I'm just so fixated on not being able to orgasm with him it's driving me crazy.If anyone has any advice that would be great, if not it was nice to vent a bit anyway. I feel like I'm the problem and I don't know what I should do differently. (Don't bother saying we should break up because that's not happening.)
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