So I (m27) met this girl (f21) one month ago and I am lost.

So I (m27) met this girl (f21) one month ago and I am lost.

At the beginning of the night/party we met, she reached me out and asked me if I remembered her. I told her no, because I couldn't remember her name or what discussions we had had, but I did remember that we had briefly met and that we had spent a while chatting in a kitchen with some other people. She reminded me her name and I apologized, as I was slowly remembering who she was and what we had talked about. The party continued and finally we kissed each other. Just after the kiss she ordered an Uber and we went to her home and had a hook up.

The day after, I felt extremely happy and couldn't take her out of my mind despite a hard working day. So I decided to send her a message to thank her for the nice moment we had spent together. We chatted a bit and I told her I was not comfortable with having sex with someone and just forgetting them afterwards, that I wanted to know if we could meet again. She kindly answered that she was waiting for a message and she would be happy to see me again.

So I went to her home two days after. At this moment, few things started to go wrong in my mind: - Just seeing her two days later appeared a bit too fast for me. But it was the only moment it fit in our schedules, so anyway I guess… - I was feeling way too excited to see her. I felt like a 17 yo teenager, anxious for his first date and with butterflies in the belly. (Like it's a nice feeling, but it was waaay too early according to my standards) - I realized the age gap we had. I used to be with someone 8 years older than me for 5 years, and I felt weird to date someone so young. As a consequence of that I started to feel anxious and lacking confidence.

We spent a nice time together but I was already feeling this girl was “having too much effect on me”. Like, physically she is really the kind of girl I crave for. I hate to think this way, but looking back to the other people I have had a crush on or a love story with, I seem to have preferences. And about her lifestyle/personality she fits in my (de facto) criterias : creative, talented, open-minded (sure she has got defects, but they don't really bother me for now).

After this, we met again three days after… and again two days after. At this moment it was clear : it was going too fast. I was feeling it but I couldn't really admit it. During this meeting, she told me she didn't want anything romantic or serious. This date was weird because I could really see she wanted to take some distance and it saddened me, but in the same way I felt relieved of it. So at the end, she suggested we should see casually, whenever one would feel the need to.

This leads me to the first issue I have : does she just want us to be FwB? Or is it clearly a friend zone? I am not comfortable with Fwb/sex friend concepts, I am more of a serious relationship ; but should I try it ?

After this date, I considered I had to simply forget her because I wouldn't be able to see her without being cringe and needy. But she started to send me messages and tried to talk to me. The convo was a bit lame but I supposed it was because she wasn't talking in her mother tongue. And finally we decided to hang out with a friend of hers the week after, for a big touristic event in town. Nothing special happened, we just hug to greet each other, while walking in the street we barely had shy cuddles and, at the moment we said goodbye, we had a more intense hug before we awkwardly and briefly kissed.

In the days after, I tried to restart the conversation by message but it didn't work. She would answer to be kind but it was clear : she didn't want to talk.

So that was it. I was done with it. We would not meet again. She was a short but amazing parenthesis in my sentimental life and I even started back to date other people. I started to forget her (just keeping the fading memory because I like to remember people I admire).

And she called me.

So at this moment I should make an aside about our sexual relations. Please do not judge or shame. The first time we did it, it was amazing and 100% protected. The other times, we talked about doing it unprotected (she suggested it). So we mixed protected/unprotected penetrations. I would like to emphasise it was a common decision, we had talked about our antecedents and, obviously, I would not cum inside. Sex was not that good because I was way too anxious and insecure but no accident happened.

So she called me. And told me she had been puking for a few days and she wanted to know if I ever had cum inside of her. I told her I didn't, but that there is always a risk so she should take a pregnancy test. Of course she had already made it and she was waiting for the blood analysis. I felt extremely anxious and guilty to have (maybe) led her to such a situation.

Fortunately, in the evening, she received the result which was negative. She sent it to me, we double checked. She realised her roommate got the same ache the week before and she even started to feel better. We had a few jokes by message and as the chat was ending I told that if she ever wanted to see me before she would leave for the holiday season, I was all in.

We met a few days ago and I had a sleepover at her home. We had a really good moment, we slept together but we didn't have sex because she was menstruating. I was really happy to spend time with her and even if I was once again aroused by her, I felt good to be next to her. I really think she enjoyed the moment too and she complimented me on my look (not the first time by the way). I had to leave early in the morning so I kissed her and let her sleep.

For Christmas I decided to send her a message and she answered very positively. She said she didn't really know how to wish a merry Christmas because it is not in her culture but that she wished me all the best. But after a few messages, the conversation dried out.

Here are the other questions I have now : what is she thinking of me? If she just considers me as a friend, why does she let me sleep in her bed, why does she kiss me? Should I restrain my feelings in order not to hurt myself and/or bother her? She told me she was exhausted from guys just looking for hookups and ghosting her. What am I doing wrong since I want to go into something more serious with her? I know here since only one month, why do I feel like this? Am I in a toxic infatuation mind-set?

So, to sum up, here is the question : what should I do with this girl?

Submitted December 29, 2023 at 12:12AM

So I (m27) met this girl (f21) one month ago and I am lost.At the beginning of the night/party we met, she reached me out and asked me if I remembered her. I told her no, because I couldn't remember her name or what discussions we had had, but I did remember that we had briefly met and that we had spent a while chatting in a kitchen with some other people. She reminded me her name and I apologized, as I was slowly remembering who she was and what we had talked about.The party continued and finally we kissed each other. Just after the kiss she ordered an Uber and we went to her home and had a hook up.The day after, I felt extremely happy and couldn't take her out of my mind despite a hard working day. So I decided to send her a message to thank her for the nice moment we had spent together. We chatted a bit and I told her I was not comfortable with having sex with someone and just forgetting them afterwards, that I wanted to know if we could meet again. She kindly answered that she was waiting for a message and she would be happy to see me again.So I went to her home two days after. At this moment, few things started to go wrong in my mind:- Just seeing her two days later appeared a bit too fast for me. But it was the only moment it fit in our schedules, so anyway I guess…- I was feeling way too excited to see her. I felt like a 17 yo teenager, anxious for his first date and with butterflies in the belly. (Like it's a nice feeling, but it was waaay too early according to my standards)- I realized the age gap we had. I used to be with someone 8 years older than me for 5 years, and I felt weird to date someone so young. As a consequence of that I started to feel anxious and lacking confidence. We spent a nice time together but I was already feeling this girl was “having too much effect on me”. Like, physically she is really the kind of girl I crave for. I hate to think this way, but looking back to the other people I have had a crush on or a love story with, I seem to have preferences. And about her lifestyle/personality she fits in my (de facto) criterias : creative, talented, open-minded (sure she has got defects, but they don't really bother me for now).After this, we met again three days after… and again two days after. At this moment it was clear : it was going too fast. I was feeling it but I couldn't really admit it. During this meeting, she told me she didn't want anything romantic or serious. This date was weird because I could really see she wanted to take some distance and it saddened me, but in the same way I felt relieved of it. So at the end, she suggested we should see casually, whenever one would feel the need to.This leads me to the first issue I have : does she just want us to be FwB? Or is it clearly a friend zone? I am not comfortable with Fwb/sex friend concepts, I am more of a serious relationship ; but should I try it ?After this date, I considered I had to simply forget her because I wouldn't be able to see her without being cringe and needy. But she started to send me messages and tried to talk to me. The convo was a bit lame but I supposed it was because she wasn't talking in her mother tongue. And finally we decided to hang out with a friend of hers the week after, for a big touristic event in town. Nothing special happened, we just hug to greet each other, while walking in the street we barely had shy cuddles and, at the moment we said goodbye, we had a more intense hug before we awkwardly and briefly kissed.In the days after, I tried to restart the conversation by message but it didn't work. She would answer to be kind but it was clear : she didn't want to talk.So that was it. I was done with it. We would not meet again. She was a short but amazing parenthesis in my sentimental life and I even started back to date other people. I started to forget her (just keeping the fading memory because I like to remember people I admire).And she called me. So at this moment I should make an aside about our sexual relations. Please do not judge or shame. The first time we did it, it was amazing and 100% protected. The other times, we talked about doing it unprotected (she suggested it). So we mixed protected/unprotected penetrations. I would like to emphasise it was a common decision, we had talked about our antecedents and, obviously, I would not cum inside. Sex was not that good because I was way too anxious and insecure but no accident happened.So she called me. And told me she had been puking for a few days and she wanted to know if I ever had cum inside of her. I told her I didn't, but that there is always a risk so she should take a pregnancy test. Of course she had already made it and she was waiting for the blood analysis. I felt extremely anxious and guilty to have (maybe) led her to such a situation.Fortunately, in the evening, she received the result which was negative. She sent it to me, we double checked. She realised her roommate got the same ache the week before and she even started to feel better. We had a few jokes by message and as the chat was ending I told that if she ever wanted to see me before she would leave for the holiday season, I was all in.We met a few days ago and I had a sleepover at her home. We had a really good moment, we slept together but we didn't have sex because she was menstruating. I was really happy to spend time with her and even if I was once again aroused by her, I felt good to be next to her. I really think she enjoyed the moment too and she complimented me on my look (not the first time by the way). I had to leave early in the morning so I kissed her and let her sleep.For Christmas I decided to send her a message and she answered very positively. She said she didn't really know how to wish a merry Christmas because it is not in her culture but that she wished me all the best. But after a few messages, the conversation dried out.Here are the other questions I have now : what is she thinking of me? If she just considers me as a friend, why does she let me sleep in her bed, why does she kiss me? Should I restrain my feelings in order not to hurt myself and/or bother her? She told me she was exhausted from guys just looking for hookups and ghosting her. What am I doing wrong since I want to go into something more serious with her? I know here since only one month, why do I feel like this? Am I in a toxic infatuation mind-set?So, to sum up, here is the question : what should I do with this girl?