Seeing someone for the first time in a long time... Why am I (26M) not feeling emotionally committed? Will it eventually come? This all kind of feels like a burden

So I'm now a 26M. Since I was around 15, I've been fully in love with 2 people. Once broke my heart and cheated on me on prom night, and the other was a girl that was my best friend for 4 years, which never became anything more. Since then, I always found myself reminiscing about one or the other, and how much I truly loved each of them. From the emotional pain of each, I stopped looking for any relationships. I lost all interest in dating and in turn started to lose some self-esteem.
Because of this lack of emotional attachment, I ended up becoming super close with my friends, which made me kind of emotionally dependant on them. One friend in particular and I would always hang out, go out, etc. His then girlfriend got super jealous and basically wrecked havoc upon our friendship because she thought we were too close... I still have some trauma from being called in the middle of the night being yelled at, or having to defend myself for actions that weren't wrong. This lasted 8 years, since my friend and her were on and off. Seriously, 8 years of shit. During this time, I learned to numb my emotions because it was too much. From feeling lonely, to constantly getting shit, to having no self-esteem, I just kind of started dissociating.
Fast forward to now, a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to a girl that wants to meet people. We went on a date and apparently she had an amazing time and is super interested in pursuing the relationship. I found her great, she's nice, motivated, and very cool. But I just don't feel interested? This all kind of feels like a burden to me... Maybe I've been alone for so long that I just got used to it, and the idea of having a relationship just feel like a hassle. I definitely have trauma from wanting to always text people now, always feeling like I'm annoying them or being too much. And it's not like "I'm not ready yet", I haven't been in a relationship in 8 years, and it was a high school relationship. I just don't know if I should continue seeing her and maybe the emotions will follow? But I would also feel bad pursuing something knowing that emotionally, I'm just not invested.



Submitted December 06, 2023 at 12:17AM

So I'm now a 26M. Since I was around 15, I've been fully in love with 2 people. Once broke my heart and cheated on me on prom night, and the other was a girl that was my best friend for 4 years, which never became anything more. Since then, I always found myself reminiscing about one or the other, and how much I truly loved each of them. From the emotional pain of each, I stopped looking for any relationships. I lost all interest in dating and in turn started to lose some self-esteem.Because of this lack of emotional attachment, I ended up becoming super close with my friends, which made me kind of emotionally dependant on them. One friend in particular and I would always hang out, go out, etc. His then girlfriend got super jealous and basically wrecked havoc upon our friendship because she thought we were too close... I still have some trauma from being called in the middle of the night being yelled at, or having to defend myself for actions that weren't wrong. This lasted 8 years, since my friend and her were on and off. Seriously, 8 years of shit. During this time, I learned to numb my emotions because it was too much. From feeling lonely, to constantly getting shit, to having no self-esteem, I just kind of started dissociating.Fast forward to now, a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to a girl that wants to meet people. We went on a date and apparently she had an amazing time and is super interested in pursuing the relationship. I found her great, she's nice, motivated, and very cool. But I just don't feel interested? This all kind of feels like a burden to me... Maybe I've been alone for so long that I just got used to it, and the idea of having a relationship just feel like a hassle. I definitely have trauma from wanting to always text people now, always feeling like I'm annoying them or being too much. And it's not like "I'm not ready yet", I haven't been in a relationship in 8 years, and it was a high school relationship. I just don't know if I should continue seeing her and maybe the emotions will follow? But I would also feel bad pursuing something knowing that emotionally, I'm just not invested.
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