/u/AndroidwithAnxiety on I’m hurt by how the community views orchidsexual

I don't think you're in the wrong for feeling hurt - your experiences are what they are, and this is how they've made you feel.

I will say... from my understanding (and please please correct me if I'm wrong) 'orchidsexual' is defined by someone who regularly/often - or always - feels sexual attraction, but is sex repulsed? AKA, a sex-repulsed allo? I know it's specifically the sex-repulsion that drew you to the label, but is there a reason you didn't want to call yourself a sex-repulsed greysexual? I know it's not as snappy and doesn't roll of the tongue as easily, but I can't help feeling maybe some of your feelings of rejection might be coming from a miscommunication about what people understand 'orchidsexual' to be? Because I think the definition being used in the discussions on the posts you saw, was the 'sex-repulsed allo' definition. That's certainly the definition I based my opinions on.

And, well... yeah, there does need to be some kind of distinction between people who feel sexual attraction, and those who don't. Otherwise, how do we discuss those things? If we add people who feel sexual attraction into the 'don't feel sexual attraction' category... it defeats the point of having that category. That's why 'The Asexual Spectrum' came into being along with labels like greysexual - to account for everyone who blurs those lines without making the 'no attraction' word lose meaning.

As much as labels are for the individual and self expression, as much as things are a spectrum and fluid, if we want to have conversations about the differences between people, we need to have words that draw lines around those differences. Stools and chairs are the same in that they're different from tables, but there's still a reason we have both the word 'stool' and 'chair', right? Doesn't mean a stool is less worthy of being sat on because it's not a chair, it doesn't make it a 'weird' table either - it just means that it has features that make it distinct when compared to a chair. But it's still considered part of the same group as chairs because of the features it does share with chairs.... I think I'm loosing my point.

The asexual spectrum is specifically about attraction and how we experience it (or don't). The sex repulsion-favourable scale is its own thing. - and this is where I think your problems are coming from: Orchidsexual is to do with repulsion, not attraction - but since you're also not allo, you're feeling invalidated over not being included on the attraction scale. Which Orchidsexual, by definition, can't be.

I should've been asleep two hours ago so I'm very sorry if this comes across harsh or something, but as an attempted TLDR: words need meanings in order to be words, and I think your grief is being caused by miscommunication because people aren't using 'orchidsexual' the same way you are.

Peace and love, friend.

October 20, 2023 at 11:19PM