My sex therapist partner doesn’t initiate sex or believe in the 5 love languages. How can I help him understand my needs?

My partner (m 48) is a well known sex therapist in our area and I (f 33) develop software/websites and run my own business. We met in 2017.

We are driven, intellectual, and sensitive people, but we are just not getting along. I’d love some help.

He is stoic. I am expressive. He has “fatigue.” I can stay up for 98 hours straight working on something. He could have sex once a month and be fine. I want it 3-5 times a week.

We were poly and he shut it down to mono 2 years ago. Then I gained 20 lbs and he said he wasn’t attracted to me. We barely have sex now and always in the dark.

I’m directly writing this post after he walked in on me masturbating - he hasn’t before. I was going to be very quick after my shower. He left the room after giving me a kiss. And is now watching American Idol.

He didn’t ask to join. He didn’t invite me to watch Idol with him.

I feel like he’s avoidant and just want to understand how to handle him better because he’s bright, funny, and practical, and worth it. But sometimes I can feel really invisible and sad and want to leave the relationship. I can’t believe that - a relationship therapist failing again?

What would you do to help him understand that he is indeed wanted and that I indeed need some love?



Submitted May 22, 2023 at 01:13AM

My partner (m 48) is a well known sex therapist in our area and I (f 33) develop software/websites and run my own business. We met in 2017.We are driven, intellectual, and sensitive people, but we are just not getting along. I’d love some help. He is stoic. I am expressive. He has “fatigue.” I can stay up for 98 hours straight working on something. He could have sex once a month and be fine. I want it 3-5 times a week.We were poly and he shut it down to mono 2 years ago. Then I gained 20 lbs and he said he wasn’t attracted to me. We barely have sex now and always in the dark. I’m directly writing this post after he walked in on me masturbating - he hasn’t before. I was going to be very quick after my shower. He left the room after giving me a kiss. And is now watching American Idol.He didn’t ask to join. He didn’t invite me to watch Idol with him.I feel like he’s avoidant and just want to understand how to handle him better because he’s bright, funny, and practical, and worth it. But sometimes I can feel really invisible and sad and want to leave the relationship. I can’t believe that - a relationship therapist failing again? What would you do to help him understand that he is indeed wanted and that I indeed need some love?
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