Casual partner is always late

It’s nuts considering she was in the military less than a month ago. I’m not really into the hookup scene but I haven’t found anyone wanting to commit and things were getting kind of lonely, so… yeah.

She’s forever asking me if I’m dtf and can I come over or can she see me but then takes 10,000 years to reply, or will say she’s showering and then change her mind afterward, or wants to come “late” (meaning not 12-2 like a normal person, but 5 am I soon found out.) We’ve only had one encounter despite her setting multiple dates and times and I’m tired of always being ready just for her to never follow through.

The only time she came over here was at 4:30 am on a Saturday (and I’m never letting her do that again.) I just couldn’t sleep that night so I said sure. This may have been what made her think this was cool to continually do and I own that but I’ve also communicated directly that I value punctuality regardless of the type of relationship it is. To make matters worse, she drops on me as she’s leaving that she’d left her best friend in her car during the ordeal because they’d gone to the club and she didn’t want to drive them home first. So I had a random stranger in my parking lot just before 6 am.

Even today, she asked me to show up in the early afternoon. I agreed, saying I just needed to finish some errands. My last one was in her direction, so I texted her to see could I just shoot down right after. No answer for hours. Then when she replies, “I was asleep sorry now I’m grocery shopping.” Initially we agreed I’d just come after that, then she goes “I’m going to the movies at 7:15, do you want to come before or after?” I said before because trying to pin her down timewise has been impossible. First, she said okay. What if I told you though, that I have yet to leave and now she’s asking me to come over “after the movies” nondescriptly. I’m not falling for this again.

Is there a specific way to best say I think we should maybe see other people? It’s only been a couple weeks but I’m trying to be better at reading the signs and the empty “I’ll do better with my time management” isn’t really being followed through on. (I’m 22, she’s 23, we’re both women if that helps)

Submitted March 05, 2023 at 12:15AM

It’s nuts considering she was in the military less than a month ago. I’m not really into the hookup scene but I haven’t found anyone wanting to commit and things were getting kind of lonely, so… yeah.She’s forever asking me if I’m dtf and can I come over or can she see me but then takes 10,000 years to reply, or will say she’s showering and then change her mind afterward, or wants to come “late” (meaning not 12-2 like a normal person, but 5 am I soon found out.) We’ve only had one encounter despite her setting multiple dates and times and I’m tired of always being ready just for her to never follow through.The only time she came over here was at 4:30 am on a Saturday (and I’m never letting her do that again.) I just couldn’t sleep that night so I said sure. This may have been what made her think this was cool to continually do and I own that but I’ve also communicated directly that I value punctuality regardless of the type of relationship it is. To make matters worse, she drops on me as she’s leaving that she’d left her best friend in her car during the ordeal because they’d gone to the club and she didn’t want to drive them home first. So I had a random stranger in my parking lot just before 6 am.Even today, she asked me to show up in the early afternoon. I agreed, saying I just needed to finish some errands. My last one was in her direction, so I texted her to see could I just shoot down right after. No answer for hours. Then when she replies, “I was asleep sorry now I’m grocery shopping.” Initially we agreed I’d just come after that, then she goes “I’m going to the movies at 7:15, do you want to come before or after?” I said before because trying to pin her down timewise has been impossible. First, she said okay. What if I told you though, that I have yet to leave and now she’s asking me to come over “after the movies” nondescriptly. I’m not falling for this again.Is there a specific way to best say I think we should maybe see other people? It’s only been a couple weeks but I’m trying to be better at reading the signs and the empty “I’ll do better with my time management” isn’t really being followed through on. (I’m 22, she’s 23, we’re both women if that helps)