Money fights

I (19F) met my boyfriend (20M) a bit more than half a year. We hit it off instantaneously and we have been through long distance for most of the time but we are really glued to each other. We spent hours on phone calls everyday and, before I start studying and move away, we have been living together for about 3 months. We have been having more fights lately, mostly about money. He used to have financial stability because he worked very long hours and didn’t have to pay rent, but he has recently moved out of his parents and hence has a lot more bills to pay. He had an agreement with a company to work the summer and until then they said they would find him work elsewhere, but that ended up being only weekends. So he is working much less and that results in less money. I just don’t understand why he didn’t keep searching himself for more work. We are going to be moving together to my place in a couple of days and he will stay there for around 3 months and then move back to his place for the summer. And he needs to find work while he is with me. The problem is he didn’t want to send his CV anywhere, he wants to get work via contacts. He has only sent one CV and he didn’t get the job. Now he is super stressed about money and work but we move in a couple days and he hasn’t taken initiative and I can’t understand. I told him he doesn’t have to go with me but he insists he does. And he complains about money all the time and now everytime he pays for something first he insists I pay back half immediately after. I am all for paying equally, I don’t mind it. But I do have a problem. He eats much much more than me, and he has had a friend staying over for a couple days. Both of them are “bulking”. I ate less than 1/3 or even 1/4 of what they ate. I didn’t even had dinner or breakfast because I ate a lot for lunch. And he wants me to pay the same. I said I don’t really feel like its fair for me to pay for dinner if I haven’t eaten it. And then he said he wouldn’t charge his friend more for eating more so its not nice if I pay less. So I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I am in the wrong. I have tried helping him find cool jobs for him to apply to and stuff. But he always says it makes him stressed to look at places and send his CV and he’ll do it later. He has spent the past week playing videogames for over 6 hours a day and we move so soon that its making me stressed knowing he doesn’t have a job. Also, I haven’t had to pay rent while I’m here, so only the food and ofc he won’t have to pay rent when he is with me. But he does want me to pay for a parking spot for his car. I don’t know. I am student and I don’t have a job yet, even if I do my studies are full time and I’m not sure I can afford everything. So I don’t know what to do. Sorry its so long. Thank you for your advice!

Submitted January 06, 2023 at 12:16AM

I (19F) met my boyfriend (20M) a bit more than half a year. We hit it off instantaneously and we have been through long distance for most of the time but we are really glued to each other. We spent hours on phone calls everyday and, before I start studying and move away, we have been living together for about 3 months. We have been having more fights lately, mostly about money. He used to have financial stability because he worked very long hours and didn’t have to pay rent, but he has recently moved out of his parents and hence has a lot more bills to pay. He had an agreement with a company to work the summer and until then they said they would find him work elsewhere, but that ended up being only weekends. So he is working much less and that results in less money. I just don’t understand why he didn’t keep searching himself for more work. We are going to be moving together to my place in a couple of days and he will stay there for around 3 months and then move back to his place for the summer. And he needs to find work while he is with me. The problem is he didn’t want to send his CV anywhere, he wants to get work via contacts. He has only sent one CV and he didn’t get the job. Now he is super stressed about money and work but we move in a couple days and he hasn’t taken initiative and I can’t understand. I told him he doesn’t have to go with me but he insists he does. And he complains about money all the time and now everytime he pays for something first he insists I pay back half immediately after. I am all for paying equally, I don’t mind it. But I do have a problem. He eats much much more than me, and he has had a friend staying over for a couple days. Both of them are “bulking”. I ate less than 1/3 or even 1/4 of what they ate. I didn’t even had dinner or breakfast because I ate a lot for lunch. And he wants me to pay the same. I said I don’t really feel like its fair for me to pay for dinner if I haven’t eaten it. And then he said he wouldn’t charge his friend more for eating more so its not nice if I pay less. So I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I am in the wrong. I have tried helping him find cool jobs for him to apply to and stuff. But he always says it makes him stressed to look at places and send his CV and he’ll do it later. He has spent the past week playing videogames for over 6 hours a day and we move so soon that its making me stressed knowing he doesn’t have a job. Also, I haven’t had to pay rent while I’m here, so only the food and ofc he won’t have to pay rent when he is with me. But he does want me to pay for a parking spot for his car. I don’t know. I am student and I don’t have a job yet, even if I do my studies are full time and I’m not sure I can afford everything. So I don’t know what to do. Sorry its so long. Thank you for your advice!