He was engaged in his last relationship

My [27F] boyfriend [31M] and I have been together 3 months. All has been going great, I am infatuated with this man. I am, however, starting to struggle with his past. He has had 2 past serious relationships. With his first ex, they had a house together, and with his second (most recent), they lived together and were engaged. They ended up ending things because of something my boyfriend did — which I won’t get into, but he has been very upfront and open with me about his actions, so that isn’t my concern here.

I’m starting to struggle with the idea that he was engaged to his most recent ex. The thought that he knew he wanted to spend his life with her and that the reason it ended was because he screwed up — if he hadn’t, he’d be happily with her still, wouldn’t he? I’m terrified of being a back up, or that he still loves her and that I won’t compare to what they had. I’ve only had one relationship prior to him, so the thought of being engaged to someone — even living with my partner — is huge to me (I’ve never lived with a partner before).

Am I valid in feeling this way? Does anyone have any other perspectives on this? I really don’t want it to start effecting our relationship, but I can’t stop thinking about it all of a sudden.



Submitted December 24, 2022 at 12:57AM

My [27F] boyfriend [31M] and I have been together 3 months. All has been going great, I am infatuated with this man. I am, however, starting to struggle with his past. He has had 2 past serious relationships. With his first ex, they had a house together, and with his second (most recent), they lived together and were engaged. They ended up ending things because of something my boyfriend did — which I won’t get into, but he has been very upfront and open with me about his actions, so that isn’t my concern here.I’m starting to struggle with the idea that he was engaged to his most recent ex. The thought that he knew he wanted to spend his life with her and that the reason it ended was because he screwed up — if he hadn’t, he’d be happily with her still, wouldn’t he? I’m terrified of being a back up, or that he still loves her and that I won’t compare to what they had. I’ve only had one relationship prior to him, so the thought of being engaged to someone — even living with my partner — is huge to me (I’ve never lived with a partner before).Am I valid in feeling this way? Does anyone have any other perspectives on this? I really don’t want it to start effecting our relationship, but I can’t stop thinking about it all of a sudden.
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