I rejected him and nearly 3 months later, I still doubt my decision

I rejected this guy not once but twice. Before you guys crucify me, I had good reason. The first time I was getting close to a friend I had crushed on for months and who was totally my type. It made logical sense to try. We has only been on 4 dates. The second time was 3 months later. We reconnected when he played a gig at my hometown (we met in college and both spent our summers in our respective hometowns). I was so excited to see him again and was considering trying again after we spent hours catching up and kissing and cuddling. Sober me noped out. We definitely have incompatibilities- he had started smoking again this time (I hate smoking) and he drinks more than I like. He has admitted to getting into the odd drunken fight. I hate that. I told myself that despite this connection, I could find this in someone else and you can't change someone, there are too many obstacles. But there really isn't anyone like him. He's not perfect but we just click? When I turned him down again, he was gutted and said he'd be willing to change and a woman like me might be the kick he needs. I'm a cynic, I stood by what I said and didn't respond.

Recently he liked my selfie with both his personal and band account, despite being a guy who rarely uses Instagram. I really want to talk to him again but I'm scared I'm just lonely and maybe I was right. I'm debating sitting on it for another week or 2. What should I do?



Submitted August 27, 2022 at 12:18AM

I rejected this guy not once but twice. Before you guys crucify me, I had good reason. The first time I was getting close to a friend I had crushed on for months and who was totally my type. It made logical sense to try. We has only been on 4 dates. The second time was 3 months later. We reconnected when he played a gig at my hometown (we met in college and both spent our summers in our respective hometowns). I was so excited to see him again and was considering trying again after we spent hours catching up and kissing and cuddling. Sober me noped out. We definitely have incompatibilities- he had started smoking again this time (I hate smoking) and he drinks more than I like. He has admitted to getting into the odd drunken fight. I hate that. I told myself that despite this connection, I could find this in someone else and you can't change someone, there are too many obstacles. But there really isn't anyone like him. He's not perfect but we just click? When I turned him down again, he was gutted and said he'd be willing to change and a woman like me might be the kick he needs. I'm a cynic, I stood by what I said and didn't respond.Recently he liked my selfie with both his personal and band account, despite being a guy who rarely uses Instagram. I really want to talk to him again but I'm scared I'm just lonely and maybe I was right. I'm debating sitting on it for another week or 2. What should I do?
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