/u/ilikeplants91 on Am I asexual?

As other commenters have said, just because you said ‘yes’ doesn’t really mean it was consensual. If you have to be pressured into it then it isn’t. It’s really no surprise that you would feel this way about these situations regardless of your sexual orientation - I agree that this sounds like borderline rape/sexual assault.

You may be asexual, you may not be, at 16 you’re still really young, and there’s no need to label yourself yet unless it’s something that you feel is helpful to you.

Your stories resonate a lot with me, and unfortunately I went through a lot of trauma as a teenager because of experiences like these. One of the challenges that can come with being asexual is that because you don’t know what it’s like to want something (sex, intimacy), it’s harder to be sure that you don’t want it. Because I thought sex was something I was just supposed to like and would like when it happened, I ended up agreeing to it when I shouldn’t have after being pressured into it. If there’s one thing I wish someone had told me, it’s that you will know for sure when you want something, and if you don’t want something you shouldn’t do it just because someone else is trying to convince you. People in the asexual community love using food as an analogy for things, and I think it works really well here - imagine you’re trying to watch your weight or eat less sugar because you know it’s bad for you - if someone offers you cake (or your favourite treat, whatever that might be), you will need to fight yourself not to eat it. If you don’t feel that same way about intimacy - that you’ll be upset if you have to decline it for whatever reason - then you probably don’t really want it. And if someone is pressuring you to do it anyway, then they are primarily focused on their own pleasure over your wellbeing. That’s a situation that has the potential to cause you a lot of trauma, and not something you should ever feel bad about saying no to.

June 23, 2022 at 12:27AM