Did I do the Right thing? M(19) F (20)

​

Hey guys, my girlfriend and I, well..ex, lasted for 13 months.

Our relationship was not perfect, and not the "fairest" in hindsight, but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. For a guy who was really insecure ever since I was kid because of my appearance and personality, after going through a revamp, I finally got one! She made me feel loved, appreciated and "enough". For a guy who always had trouble making close friends, she filled that void. Having your partner be your best friend is one of the best things in the world. I was, and still am so grateful for her, that I vowed to never lie to her, and I never did.

We've always had rough patches, the root being my inability to meet up with her. This was a big deal for her cause quality time together was her love language and I just couldn't be there for her due to the pandemic and my dad being an overbearing megalomaniac (a story for another day). She broke up with me several times but three times stuck. The third one was the coup de grace, because it came out of nowhere. We had fun, a few days before, she even wrote me a letter and gave me one of my favorite foods, then one argument later...boom. So I took it very hardly, cause for me that was really the nail in the coffin, cause a break up spawned from an argument can be passed off as just being emotional but if it comes out of nowhere, it means that it has been bugging her for a long time and is just not birthed out of impulse. I was distressed and distraught, cause I really gave her everything that I had just to make her happy, and it wasn't enough. So I said " That's it, no more" so as a sorta "cold water to the face/ bridge burning" I slept with a friend of mine. Even if I didn't really want to, but as a way to tell myself that there's no going back. Didn't work as even though I have an out of my league woman naked on the bed, I couldn't help but wish it was her.

Fast forward to a few weeks, she wanted to get back together, she acknowledged that the reason that she realized that the reason that she wasn't treating me as well as I deserve was that because I was "too nice", that no matter what she does, I'll take her back. And that now she knows that it was her fault. I said I needed more time, but after a while I said "I love her, let's give it one more shot", so we were going to get back together and then I told her the story of me drinking with my friend, and she jokingly asked me if I had sex with her.

I was frozen, not because I thought of lying, but because I was wrestling with the decision that I am about to possibly kill my chance to be with her again by telling her the truth. As I have said, I have never lied to her, so i didn't. I knew full well that it would kill my hopes of being with her, but I just couldn't lie to her and deceive her.

More things happened, but that was the killshot. 1 month later, I am still asking myself the question, If I should've lied to her.

Tell me the truth guys, no high road, no english literature bullh--it just tell me whether I did the right thing, or was I naive?

Sorry for the long read guys, I am just so torn for the past month or so.

Thank you, and love y'all.

- N



Submitted June 23, 2022 at 11:59PM

​Hey guys, my girlfriend and I, well..ex, lasted for 13 months.Our relationship was not perfect, and not the "fairest" in hindsight, but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. For a guy who was really insecure ever since I was kid because of my appearance and personality, after going through a revamp, I finally got one! She made me feel loved, appreciated and "enough". For a guy who always had trouble making close friends, she filled that void. Having your partner be your best friend is one of the best things in the world. I was, and still am so grateful for her, that I vowed to never lie to her, and I never did.We've always had rough patches, the root being my inability to meet up with her. This was a big deal for her cause quality time together was her love language and I just couldn't be there for her due to the pandemic and my dad being an overbearing megalomaniac (a story for another day). She broke up with me several times but three times stuck. The third one was the coup de grace, because it came out of nowhere. We had fun, a few days before, she even wrote me a letter and gave me one of my favorite foods, then one argument later...boom. So I took it very hardly, cause for me that was really the nail in the coffin, cause a break up spawned from an argument can be passed off as just being emotional but if it comes out of nowhere, it means that it has been bugging her for a long time and is just not birthed out of impulse. I was distressed and distraught, cause I really gave her everything that I had just to make her happy, and it wasn't enough. So I said " That's it, no more" so as a sorta "cold water to the face/ bridge burning" I slept with a friend of mine. Even if I didn't really want to, but as a way to tell myself that there's no going back. Didn't work as even though I have an out of my league woman naked on the bed, I couldn't help but wish it was her.Fast forward to a few weeks, she wanted to get back together, she acknowledged that the reason that she realized that the reason that she wasn't treating me as well as I deserve was that because I was "too nice", that no matter what she does, I'll take her back. And that now she knows that it was her fault. I said I needed more time, but after a while I said "I love her, let's give it one more shot", so we were going to get back together and then I told her the story of me drinking with my friend, and she jokingly asked me if I had sex with her.I was frozen, not because I thought of lying, but because I was wrestling with the decision that I am about to possibly kill my chance to be with her again by telling her the truth. As I have said, I have never lied to her, so i didn't. I knew full well that it would kill my hopes of being with her, but I just couldn't lie to her and deceive her.More things happened, but that was the killshot. 1 month later, I am still asking myself the question, If I should've lied to her.Tell me the truth guys, no high road, no english literature bullh--it just tell me whether I did the right thing, or was I naive?Sorry for the long read guys, I am just so torn for the past month or so.Thank you, and love y'all.- N
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