UPDATE: women I just met being really forward. Her girlfriends told me to stay away from her. Not sure how to handle
TDLR: an emotional moment for me seeing all the in depth responses. this has given me a different outlook on the people I date in the future and hopefully this posts helps both men and women recognize red flags. Daren told me Jayden did cheat on her last boyfriend(that she did lie about her being cheated on) he old me that she “isn’t girlfriend material.” Jayden did make out with another guy not even 10 minutes once I left the bar. He told me he’s seen so guys go down this road with Jayden.
Some of the responses were kind of a slap in the face which maybe I did need lol. I talked to Daren today and he told me that she did cheat on her boyfriend last year. She sleeps around a lot(no judgement) and has mental health issues that are pretty severe. He told me he didn’t want to go into details for the sake of her privacy.
Jayden did tell me she got “cheated on” so I’m not entirely sure if that’s projection or what. There was a lot of little convos I had with Jayden that I did leave out. Her telling me she is “shy and prude” when she is sober but drunk she is different. That night she kept going to different friends both men and women being flirty which I guess is ok, just a little weird her being touchy with her guy friends. WhenI left the bar to go home, Daren did see her making out with some random guy at the bar not even 10 minutes after I left LOL. yes it is kinda crushing but it is what it is. He even told me when I asked him about her “dude don’t worry she will go find some other guy to make out with. She isn’t girlfriend material she is really lost.”
Reading every single response I have observed many issues I have within myself. I did go through two emotionally abusive relationships back to back these last 2 .5 years and now trying to apply the lessons learned. Lots of these people pointed out and brought to light.
First, I sense some sort of self gas lighting going on when I see red flags in potential women I date. I see the red flag in my face, I look at it and chuck it 10 feet behind me. Another red flag pops up and repeat. I get the gut feeling that these women are not good for me sometimes but I continue to ignore the anxiety. I think her using sexual conversations right away with me sort of “triggered” me because I knew in the back of my mind that’s how people get sucked into something potentially toxic.
Second, boundary setting. My personal boundaries get walked on a lot with women. I am taking full responsibility that I need to stand up for myself and learn to say no. Many pointed out the love bombing, potential narcism, and borderline personality disorder. The borderline part really hit me hard bc I have dated someone with diagnosed BPD, traits of narcissism. It was traumatizing for me, almost to the point as suicide being a possibility for me. That relationship consumed much of my daily mental thoughts. I would like to emphasize that NOT ALL people that have BPD are horrible people. It is very stigmatized. In MY case, I did get manipulated and discarded. I for sure had my own faults too. I don’t know if jayden does have it. I am not qualified to even give the slightest opinion. There are signs no question but I will never know. I should of told her to relax. I noticed more clearly that daren was setting boundaries with her right off the bat the night we all went out.
Finally, after talking with my therapist yesterday she told me many times, real good healthy relationships do not start like this at all. It is NOT normal. She told me I am setting myself up to get manipulated again. They set me up with the let’s have sex right away let’s hang out all the time, it works for maybe 2 months and boom, all of that disappears and the real them starts to show. I am AFRAID of hurting peoples feelings. I recognize I have some co dependency issues. She advised “when people show you who the are, believe them.” Thanks again for all the comments. I know it was quite an obvious answer I am incredibly oblivious when it comes to these situations :))
Submitted May 03, 2022 at 11:49PM
Original post: https://ift.tt/dFBNp4x an emotional moment for me seeing all the in depth responses. this has given me a different outlook on the people I date in the future and hopefully this posts helps both men and women recognize red flags. Daren told me Jayden did cheat on her last boyfriend(that she did lie about her being cheated on) he old me that she “isn’t girlfriend material.” Jayden did make out with another guy not even 10 minutes once I left the bar. He told me he’s seen so guys go down this road with Jayden.Some of the responses were kind of a slap in the face which maybe I did need lol. I talked to Daren today and he told me that she did cheat on her boyfriend last year. She sleeps around a lot(no judgement) and has mental health issues that are pretty severe. He told me he didn’t want to go into details for the sake of her privacy.Jayden did tell me she got “cheated on” so I’m not entirely sure if that’s projection or what. There was a lot of little convos I had with Jayden that I did leave out. Her telling me she is “shy and prude” when she is sober but drunk she is different. That night she kept going to different friends both men and women being flirty which I guess is ok, just a little weird her being touchy with her guy friends. WhenI left the bar to go home, Daren did see her making out with some random guy at the bar not even 10 minutes after I left LOL. yes it is kinda crushing but it is what it is. He even told me when I asked him about her “dude don’t worry she will go find some other guy to make out with. She isn’t girlfriend material she is really lost.”Reading every single response I have observed many issues I have within myself. I did go through two emotionally abusive relationships back to back these last 2 .5 years and now trying to apply the lessons learned. Lots of these people pointed out and brought to light.First, I sense some sort of self gas lighting going on when I see red flags in potential women I date. I see the red flag in my face, I look at it and chuck it 10 feet behind me. Another red flag pops up and repeat. I get the gut feeling that these women are not good for me sometimes but I continue to ignore the anxiety. I think her using sexual conversations right away with me sort of “triggered” me because I knew in the back of my mind that’s how people get sucked into something potentially toxic.Second, boundary setting. My personal boundaries get walked on a lot with women. I am taking full responsibility that I need to stand up for myself and learn to say no. Many pointed out the love bombing, potential narcism, and borderline personality disorder. The borderline part really hit me hard bc I have dated someone with diagnosed BPD, traits of narcissism. It was traumatizing for me, almost to the point as suicide being a possibility for me. That relationship consumed much of my daily mental thoughts. I would like to emphasize that NOT ALL people that have BPD are horrible people. It is very stigmatized. In MY case, I did get manipulated and discarded. I for sure had my own faults too. I don’t know if jayden does have it. I am not qualified to even give the slightest opinion. There are signs no question but I will never know. I should of told her to relax. I noticed more clearly that daren was setting boundaries with her right off the bat the night we all went out.Finally, after talking with my therapist yesterday she told me many times, real good healthy relationships do not start like this at all. It is NOT normal. She told me I am setting myself up to get manipulated again. They set me up with the let’s have sex right away let’s hang out all the time, it works for maybe 2 months and boom, all of that disappears and the real them starts to show. I am AFRAID of hurting peoples feelings. I recognize I have some co dependency issues. She advised “when people show you who the are, believe them.” Thanks again for all the comments. I know it was quite an obvious answer I am incredibly oblivious when it comes to these situations :))
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