/u/heckinfast on I think i'm ace because of trauma and it sucks.

I can see where you’re coming from. I always thought I was asexual because I’ve had a lack of interest in sex and relationships for as long as I can remember, and I’m extremely uncomfortable with any kind of intimacy and physical contact performed on me (Sexually, but also non-sexually like someone touching my shoulder), but ever since I started therapy a few years ago I’m learning that I have a lot of forgotten/repressed memories related to trauma, and I’m starting to wonder if something happened to me in my earlier years that might have caused my behaviour.

Asexuality isn’t necessarily causal, but trauma is. People are asexual simply because that’s who they are, whereas trauma-based sex aversion exists because they are afflicted by trauma. Trauma cannot cause asexuality, but it can cause people to be uncomfortable or completely averse to any kind of physical contact and/or intimacy, sexual or otherwise. A lack of interest in sex and getting close to people is different from being averse to them, and while both can be attributed to asexuality, trauma can definitely be a deciding factor too, especially when the aversion is extreme. You still could be ace, but from what I just read, your aversion to intimacy sounds more trauma-based because you said you weren’t this uncomfortable before certain things started happening - in that case, treatment can help you get to the root of the problem so you can heal and eventually learn to trust people again. Therapy might be a good first step, if you haven’t tried it already.

Whatever the case, whether it’s because of the trauma, you’re asexual, a mix of both, or something else entirely, you are 100% valid. Your thoughts and feelings on the matter are valid. You matter, and what you’ve been through is real and awful and I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope you get the assistance you need, and I hope that your journey to recovery takes you somewhere wonderful. You’ll be okay. You got this. I believe in you. Keep going.

EDIT: Wording.





May 09, 2022 at 12:42AM
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