I have never been able to have a "real" relationship

Growing up, everyone around me was having their first kisses, dates, relationships and so on... I probably noticed in middle school that this was more apparent. I was never one of these people, I was petrified of everything to do with dating and it took me until I was 15 to start. However, this was an online "relationship" where I had met this 16 year old on kik and we dated for almost a year. It got to the extent that in 2016 I flew to Vegas with my mother, my best friend, and her mother to go meet him.

Few months later that had ended. I believe it was about March when I had met someone from another school on tinder and we began dating. He always tried to initiate sexual contact and asked for bjs and so on, yet i was petrified and never did. In April 2016, my brother committed suicide and shortly after the relationship with the guy ended because we didn't see each other enough. A year and a half go by and its senior year. For some reason "the popular guy" was the one who showed interest in me. We became official very early on, we had sex and everything but it ended within three months as he saw me only as a friend. From then on, I have gone on many many dates through dating apps, most lasting a month tops. The longer relationships: One got back together with ex-gf (was very fresh break up when we met) and the other, the guy was obsessed with me and then he cheated on me and then ended up dating the girl instead.

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My personality: I am a huge overthinker and always assume people have lost interest in me (which I have been right about everytime) I have tried so many methods when seeing people: upfront, laidback, flirty, open, closed, clingy, non-clingy. Literally no matter what method I use at beginning of relationships, it never works out. I know I am an attractive girl, who is funny and has lots of interesting hobbies, yet it seems that isn't enough?

Currently:

I met a guy on Hinge, probably the oldest I've dated thus far (I'm 22, he's 28) and we have gotten along great. We both have ADHD, have agreed that people playing dating games are shit, and seem have similar morals and values. We had been on two dates and both ended in hugs. I invited him out on the third date of which I booked and paid for virtual reality and was going to pay for dinner as well. Two hours before the date, he texts me that he's sick and needs to cancel so he doesn't get me sick. Thats all fine, I was not able to get my money back for VR but it went to store credit. Ever since he has texted less and less and I feel like he has now lost interest in me. To be fair, the past few days I have been gardening outside and not responding for hours because its a huge project. He works at night, so once I am done for the day, he can't text back. Anyways, today its now 5pm and he hasn't responded to my messages which were sent in AM and I was going to try harder to respond today. My mum thinks I should double text and send pictures of the garden work and apologize for being absent because of this, whereas I feel like I should just be direct and ask if he is still interested.

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I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so lonely and don't understand why people wouldn't want to date me. I have no issues making friends and I have made sure that my anxious feelings/habits haven't been brought out. What is wrong with me? What should I do with this guy? I feel like I'm looming closer and closer to being single forever.

Submitted May 23, 2022 at 12:16AM

Growing up, everyone around me was having their first kisses, dates, relationships and so on... I probably noticed in middle school that this was more apparent. I was never one of these people, I was petrified of everything to do with dating and it took me until I was 15 to start. However, this was an online "relationship" where I had met this 16 year old on kik and we dated for almost a year. It got to the extent that in 2016 I flew to Vegas with my mother, my best friend, and her mother to go meet him.Few months later that had ended. I believe it was about March when I had met someone from another school on tinder and we began dating. He always tried to initiate sexual contact and asked for bjs and so on, yet i was petrified and never did. In April 2016, my brother committed suicide and shortly after the relationship with the guy ended because we didn't see each other enough. A year and a half go by and its senior year. For some reason "the popular guy" was the one who showed interest in me. We became official very early on, we had sex and everything but it ended within three months as he saw me only as a friend. From then on, I have gone on many many dates through dating apps, most lasting a month tops. The longer relationships: One got back together with ex-gf (was very fresh break up when we met) and the other, the guy was obsessed with me and then he cheated on me and then ended up dating the girl instead.​My personality: I am a huge overthinker and always assume people have lost interest in me (which I have been right about everytime) I have tried so many methods when seeing people: upfront, laidback, flirty, open, closed, clingy, non-clingy. Literally no matter what method I use at beginning of relationships, it never works out. I know I am an attractive girl, who is funny and has lots of interesting hobbies, yet it seems that isn't enough?Currently:I met a guy on Hinge, probably the oldest I've dated thus far (I'm 22, he's 28) and we have gotten along great. We both have ADHD, have agreed that people playing dating games are shit, and seem have similar morals and values. We had been on two dates and both ended in hugs. I invited him out on the third date of which I booked and paid for virtual reality and was going to pay for dinner as well. Two hours before the date, he texts me that he's sick and needs to cancel so he doesn't get me sick. Thats all fine, I was not able to get my money back for VR but it went to store credit. Ever since he has texted less and less and I feel like he has now lost interest in me. To be fair, the past few days I have been gardening outside and not responding for hours because its a huge project. He works at night, so once I am done for the day, he can't text back. Anyways, today its now 5pm and he hasn't responded to my messages which were sent in AM and I was going to try harder to respond today. My mum thinks I should double text and send pictures of the garden work and apologize for being absent because of this, whereas I feel like I should just be direct and ask if he is still interested.​​I honestly don't know what to do. I feel so lonely and don't understand why people wouldn't want to date me. I have no issues making friends and I have made sure that my anxious feelings/habits haven't been brought out. What is wrong with me? What should I do with this guy? I feel like I'm looming closer and closer to being single forever.