Lost my virginity and feel horrible

Lost virginity and feel horrible, It was just awful. I was crying after and idk what's wrong with me. I’m sick right now my neck and full body hurts. He came down to our house so we could wal dog outside and watch the sunset. We went back to his house to grab his friend for their soccer game. before that though he basically pushed me down on his dick when he knew i wasnt feeling well. He was so rough and choking and spanking me. and like 2 min later like threw us off the bed to go to his game. it's my fault bc i never verbalized no and i also allowed it. It takes two to tango but I guess I expected him to treat me more respectfully or make sure it was a loving and caring experience. it was the opposite. he left me to cry. it felt like crap bc he was so rough when im that sick and then like we had to leave right away. Just a horrible and not a caring way to experience sex for the first time.

“I needed it,” he said but it’s my body not his and his forced it and his knows it. I feel violated and used.

And all I get from him is “you’re not really a virgin,” and “what do you want me to say,” and, “so you don’t want to talk huh?” and “Thanks for giving it to me.” Like it’s no big deal to him.

The more I think about it the more upset and angry I feel. He knew how I felt about virginity and how special it was. I feel so much regret and emptiness. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do, we've been dating six months. He was selfish and he ruined that first experience for me. He made me feel like all the years I spent holding onto something special were wasted, like they meant nothing. He doesn't respect how incredibly hard it was for me to maintain that piece of myself and for it to happen that way. He even called me after saying how much he regrets what happened and how guilty he feels. He said he wishes he could take it back, he said I'm sorry for going to the game after. I told him I need space to process what happened. I don't know what to do

TLDR: boyfriend of six months took my virginity and i feel worthless. both in our early 20's. He isn't a virgin and was sick of waiting, he always brought up how it was damaging our relationship and he needed it. i always made sure to help with other things because i knew how it affected him. Didn't comfort me at all about the situation and fought with me on the ride home

Submitted April 14, 2022 at 12:05AM

Lost virginity and feel horrible, It was just awful. I was crying after and idk what's wrong with me. I’m sick right now my neck and full body hurts. He came down to our house so we could wal dog outside and watch the sunset. We went back to his house to grab his friend for their soccer game. before that though he basically pushed me down on his dick when he knew i wasnt feeling well. He was so rough and choking and spanking me. and like 2 min later like threw us off the bed to go to his game. it's my fault bc i never verbalized no and i also allowed it. It takes two to tango but I guess I expected him to treat me more respectfully or make sure it was a loving and caring experience. it was the opposite. he left me to cry. it felt like crap bc he was so rough when im that sick and then like we had to leave right away. Just a horrible and not a caring way to experience sex for the first time.“I needed it,” he said but it’s my body not his and his forced it and his knows it. I feel violated and used.And all I get from him is “you’re not really a virgin,” and “what do you want me to say,” and, “so you don’t want to talk huh?” and “Thanks for giving it to me.” Like it’s no big deal to him.The more I think about it the more upset and angry I feel. He knew how I felt about virginity and how special it was. I feel so much regret and emptiness. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do, we've been dating six months. He was selfish and he ruined that first experience for me. He made me feel like all the years I spent holding onto something special were wasted, like they meant nothing. He doesn't respect how incredibly hard it was for me to maintain that piece of myself and for it to happen that way. He even called me after saying how much he regrets what happened and how guilty he feels. He said he wishes he could take it back, he said I'm sorry for going to the game after. I told him I need space to process what happened. I don't know what to doTLDR: boyfriend of six months took my virginity and i feel worthless. both in our early 20's. He isn't a virgin and was sick of waiting, he always brought up how it was damaging our relationship and he needed it. i always made sure to help with other things because i knew how it affected him. Didn't comfort me at all about the situation and fought with me on the ride home