Bad breakup - how to live again / help really needed

Break up - how to move on and start living again - help needed ! (Gay)

(26 year old male)

Bad breakup - how do I move on (gays)

Long story… I’m sorry. But help is really needed

I have been with a guy, named “Alex” for 2 years. I met him on tinder and knew immediately I was in love. I’ve never been in a relationship, had a positive intimacy experience or was even comfortably out yet. I wasn’t attracted to anyone I have ever met before, but this was the one first to me. Went on a date, went great. I thought he was awesome and just was attracted to everything about him. He was basically your typically masculine guy. Loved guns, was super knowledgeable about life skills, had a great social network, and loved his job and outside hobbies. He seemed to have it all.

We officially started dating 6 months later (not sure if we were both busy, he ghosted me a couple times and he might have still been in a relationship but that’s later to come). It was amazing. We hung out and I stayed over often. He made me feel safe and finally I was with someone intimate that I loved and felt comfortable with. He introduced me to all his friends and life was going well.

One day I got a message from his ex saying he was sending in appropriate pictures and messages - this was confirmed. This happened multiple times with him and hook up websites for 7-8 months, nothing physical though. He also said he was dating him until I dated him.

The relationship might have been up and down since, now with me having trust issues or jealousy when he would hang out with other people, especially with those I didn’t like or know. We would have a lot of downs but the ups were the best. We had so many trips and memories together. When we were together, I was so happy and would never get tired of being with him. It was so great some of the times.

But the fights were bad, and would put me in down moods for hours. Sometimes, he hates dealing with my anxiety or when he would get upset, he would just turn his phone off or ignore me until he could calm down, because I would need reassurance things were ok but he could never provide it at the right time. It was also always me making the plans because he claimed he didn’t like making them, just wanted to be spontaneous, but keep in mind I lived over an hour away and he would just always be with his Roomate’s.

It ended after 2 years and I was heart broken. I truly don’t think I can ever love again. I don’t care if times were toxic , I’d go through it all again to get that love back.

We tried being friends but he totally shut me out and wouldn’t talk to me and just treated me like a pest. There was zero emotion anymore so I know it couldn’t work out. Eventually I kept asking but was repeatable told we would never get back together even thought I still don’t believe that, every time I call he confirms this and just makes me feel worse.

I learned now, I put way to much pressure on our relationship. Instead of being my boyfriend, I also treated him like my best friend. I avoided hanging out with my friends, because I’d rather hang out with him and they were boring to me now. I also learned I had trust issues, and also had to stop relying on him for reassurance and helping all my problems.

I lose faith because the guy I want doesn’t exist. I need someone more dominant and masculine and can be better / stronger for me to encourage and grow with me. I can’t date or be attracted to someone that shows emotion or attraction towards me at first. It’s like they do need to be someone emotionally unavailable like a typical dude. (Still can’t find an enjoyable intimacy since) and it’s so hard to find anyone attractive or doesn’t meet the typical stereotypes now a days.

I also have been told I need to self love and respect myself. I don’t find hanging with friends as satisfying as they used to anymore. I can’t find any fun hobbies (because they’re all so boring, and I’m more adrenaline junky anyways) and I get so lonely so easily. I’ve been trying to stay away but I just have the urge to keep trying and texting and to get back together. I don’t know to how or if I can move on.

Again, it’s been 7 months since our horrible breakup and I’m still as depressed as ever. He’s on my mind everyday and I don’t know what to do. I want him back because I truly believe he is my soulmate and we were meant to be together.

What do I do now with going on? I need friends, hobbies, self love and everything to get me going again and to live my life again.

Also bonus points if any good podcasts together.

Obviously I couldn’t share every detail but I hope this was a good idea of a back story.

TLDR: my life sucks, I don’t know how to move on with my relationship, be happy with myself or anyone else. I’m

Submitted April 20, 2022 at 12:15AM

Break up - how to move on and start living again - help needed ! (Gay)(26 year old male)Bad breakup - how do I move on (gays)Long story… I’m sorry. But help is really neededI have been with a guy, named “Alex” for 2 years. I met him on tinder and knew immediately I was in love. I’ve never been in a relationship, had a positive intimacy experience or was even comfortably out yet. I wasn’t attracted to anyone I have ever met before, but this was the one first to me. Went on a date, went great. I thought he was awesome and just was attracted to everything about him. He was basically your typically masculine guy. Loved guns, was super knowledgeable about life skills, had a great social network, and loved his job and outside hobbies. He seemed to have it all.We officially started dating 6 months later (not sure if we were both busy, he ghosted me a couple times and he might have still been in a relationship but that’s later to come). It was amazing. We hung out and I stayed over often. He made me feel safe and finally I was with someone intimate that I loved and felt comfortable with. He introduced me to all his friends and life was going well.One day I got a message from his ex saying he was sending in appropriate pictures and messages - this was confirmed. This happened multiple times with him and hook up websites for 7-8 months, nothing physical though. He also said he was dating him until I dated him.The relationship might have been up and down since, now with me having trust issues or jealousy when he would hang out with other people, especially with those I didn’t like or know. We would have a lot of downs but the ups were the best. We had so many trips and memories together. When we were together, I was so happy and would never get tired of being with him. It was so great some of the times.But the fights were bad, and would put me in down moods for hours. Sometimes, he hates dealing with my anxiety or when he would get upset, he would just turn his phone off or ignore me until he could calm down, because I would need reassurance things were ok but he could never provide it at the right time. It was also always me making the plans because he claimed he didn’t like making them, just wanted to be spontaneous, but keep in mind I lived over an hour away and he would just always be with his Roomate’s.It ended after 2 years and I was heart broken. I truly don’t think I can ever love again. I don’t care if times were toxic , I’d go through it all again to get that love back.We tried being friends but he totally shut me out and wouldn’t talk to me and just treated me like a pest. There was zero emotion anymore so I know it couldn’t work out. Eventually I kept asking but was repeatable told we would never get back together even thought I still don’t believe that, every time I call he confirms this and just makes me feel worse.I learned now, I put way to much pressure on our relationship. Instead of being my boyfriend, I also treated him like my best friend. I avoided hanging out with my friends, because I’d rather hang out with him and they were boring to me now. I also learned I had trust issues, and also had to stop relying on him for reassurance and helping all my problems.I lose faith because the guy I want doesn’t exist. I need someone more dominant and masculine and can be better / stronger for me to encourage and grow with me. I can’t date or be attracted to someone that shows emotion or attraction towards me at first. It’s like they do need to be someone emotionally unavailable like a typical dude. (Still can’t find an enjoyable intimacy since) and it’s so hard to find anyone attractive or doesn’t meet the typical stereotypes now a days.I also have been told I need to self love and respect myself. I don’t find hanging with friends as satisfying as they used to anymore. I can’t find any fun hobbies (because they’re all so boring, and I’m more adrenaline junky anyways) and I get so lonely so easily. I’ve been trying to stay away but I just have the urge to keep trying and texting and to get back together. I don’t know to how or if I can move on.Again, it’s been 7 months since our horrible breakup and I’m still as depressed as ever. He’s on my mind everyday and I don’t know what to do. I want him back because I truly believe he is my soulmate and we were meant to be together.What do I do now with going on? I need friends, hobbies, self love and everything to get me going again and to live my life again.Also bonus points if any good podcasts together.Obviously I couldn’t share every detail but I hope this was a good idea of a back story.TLDR: my life sucks, I don’t know how to move on with my relationship, be happy with myself or anyone else. I’m