I (28 F), have feelings for my FWB (29M), but I am in no position to be in a relationship right now.

Long story short (ish) - me and this guy met 6 months ago, hit it off extremely well. My fear avoidant behavior kicked in, I got anxious as we got closer and asked for space. He then realized he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. We stopped talking for a little bit.

A big issue we had was that I still lived at home and did not have the freedom to explore the relationship in ways we both wanted (old fashioned, middle eastern dad). He didn’t understand the limitations and I was too busy still trying to live by my dads rules to do anything about it. Meeting and then losing this guy was the wake up call I needed, I think.

So anyways. During this time I finally decided to see a therapist regarding issues I’ve been having with myself, my family dynamic, and my relationship anxiety tendencies.

The truth is, I am in absolutely no place to be in a relationship - not with him or with anyone. I deleted the dating apps. I started to focus on myself.

In short. I’m in a MUCH better place mentally and I’m working on buying my own place and moving out in a few months. My dad is even trying to be supportive which has eased my anxieties. Love my dad.

Anyways, me and this guy got back in touch a couple of months ago, the chemistry was still there, and we agreed on this FWB deal.

I do have feelings for him and I was honest with him about it. But also maintained that I’m in no place to be in a relationship, as did he.

I’m mostly confused on what the right thing to do is, at this point. Whether I should just ride the wave or say something? If we were to end it, I still would just focus on buying this house and improving myself, I’m truly not looking for anything serious with anyone in general. If I were to keep it going, I see it as the ability to have some fantastic sex once a week.

He also maintains that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now because of his job.

I feel like in general we are on the same page, apart from the fact that I do want to “try again” or give it a more decent go once I get my own space. That’s the key thing here.

I can’t even pretend to try any type of serious relationship until that happens. My ideal relationship would be considered “westernized” (spending the nights, not having curfews, etc) and it’s just not gonna happen while I’m at home. With him or anyone else.

Is this something I should bring up? Wanting to give it a decent go once I move out? Or just continue to enjoy the company until I’m closer to finding a place?

(Of note, I had lived on my own for 5 years, but circumstances landed me back home this last year and with that I lost a lot of my autonomy. Moving out again is something I have been needing to do, but struggled to go against my dad’s wishes. Therapy with a middle eastern therapist helped me come to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do for my life. I’m in no way shape or form moving out for him. If it’s not him, I’m sure I’ll meet someone else eventually and be happy. I just would like to have a decent shot with this guy)

Submitted February 18, 2022 at 12:16AM

Long story short (ish) - me and this guy met 6 months ago, hit it off extremely well. My fear avoidant behavior kicked in, I got anxious as we got closer and asked for space. He then realized he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. We stopped talking for a little bit.A big issue we had was that I still lived at home and did not have the freedom to explore the relationship in ways we both wanted (old fashioned, middle eastern dad). He didn’t understand the limitations and I was too busy still trying to live by my dads rules to do anything about it. Meeting and then losing this guy was the wake up call I needed, I think.So anyways. During this time I finally decided to see a therapist regarding issues I’ve been having with myself, my family dynamic, and my relationship anxiety tendencies.The truth is, I am in absolutely no place to be in a relationship - not with him or with anyone. I deleted the dating apps. I started to focus on myself.In short. I’m in a MUCH better place mentally and I’m working on buying my own place and moving out in a few months. My dad is even trying to be supportive which has eased my anxieties. Love my dad.Anyways, me and this guy got back in touch a couple of months ago, the chemistry was still there, and we agreed on this FWB deal.I do have feelings for him and I was honest with him about it. But also maintained that I’m in no place to be in a relationship, as did he.I’m mostly confused on what the right thing to do is, at this point. Whether I should just ride the wave or say something? If we were to end it, I still would just focus on buying this house and improving myself, I’m truly not looking for anything serious with anyone in general. If I were to keep it going, I see it as the ability to have some fantastic sex once a week.He also maintains that he isn’t looking for a relationship right now because of his job.I feel like in general we are on the same page, apart from the fact that I do want to “try again” or give it a more decent go once I get my own space. That’s the key thing here.I can’t even pretend to try any type of serious relationship until that happens. My ideal relationship would be considered “westernized” (spending the nights, not having curfews, etc) and it’s just not gonna happen while I’m at home. With him or anyone else.Is this something I should bring up? Wanting to give it a decent go once I move out? Or just continue to enjoy the company until I’m closer to finding a place?(Of note, I had lived on my own for 5 years, but circumstances landed me back home this last year and with that I lost a lot of my autonomy. Moving out again is something I have been needing to do, but struggled to go against my dad’s wishes. Therapy with a middle eastern therapist helped me come to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do for my life. I’m in no way shape or form moving out for him. If it’s not him, I’m sure I’ll meet someone else eventually and be happy. I just would like to have a decent shot with this guy)