Guy I’ve been seeing misled me about texting other girls and being ready for a relationship

So I’ve [22F] been seeing this guy [23M] for two months. Last week, we told each other we loved each other for the first time. Afterwards, I asked if I was his girlfriend and he told me I was. But the next date, I was next to him and he did that swipe up thing on your iPhone that clears the apps you’ve recently had open. I saw that the dating app Bumble was on the swipe up screen. The photo of the app made it look like he sent a message to a girl and she messaged back. I asked him if he was talking to other girls and he told me he had just deleted the app and that his swipe up sometimes shows a random screen from the app he’s been using. Then he went on his home screen to show me he didn’t still have Bumble on his phone. It was all a misunderstanding, he said.

At first, I wasn’t too upset. But then I remembered the several times he had told me, unprompted, “you’re mine.” He started saying this on our third date. He asked me if I was seeing other guys and I said “no,” to which he responded that he wasn’t seeing other girls. When he asked what being official would mean for us, I told him it would mean for one that he couldn’t talk to other girls on dating apps (obviously) and that it would still hurt me if he was doing it now.

I later found that he had been messaging girls until our fifth date and responding to other girls’ messages until our eighth date. Although the messaging itself bothered me, what truly bothered me was that he led me to believe I was “all his.” Although he didn’t see other girls, I’m not sure if it’s because he didn’t have any tempting offers.

Then he goes on to tell me “he has been really confused lately and is still getting over things his ex. And he tried to warn me thar he wasn’t fully ready and that he didn’t want to get me caught up in it.” Yet he acted like he wanted to be in a relationship with me. He even started talking about bringing me to his friend’s wedding on our ninth date. I asked if I was his girl and he said “forever and always” lol. Literally right out of a Taylor Swift song. Now he isn’t sure what he needs to be ready for a relationship and whether he will need to be alone or go on dates with other people. He said he thinks he just needs more time with me, but he’s not positive. He told me he said all those things about me being his girl because he felt it in the moment and wanted to make himself think it was true and get used to it. He got out of a six year long relationship like five months ago (she cheated on him).

This happened over text and I tried to call him, but he didn’t pick up because he was with his friends. Then I told him this was over and called one more time and he picked up. On maybe our seventh date, his friend who is a girl called him and talked to him and started crying and he comforted her for like half an hour. Supposedly she only calls him “during an emergency.”

He was kind of a dick over text but when I saw him today in person, he seemed genuinely sorry and apologized multiple times. He told me he wanted to be with me and he loved me, he just needed more time to call me his girlfriend.

TLDR; I’m not sure what to think. He lied to me twice. First about me being “all his” and then about me being his girlfriend. I know this makes him sound like a total asshole but he’s really sweet. I need advice.

Submitted February 07, 2022 at 12:14AM

So I’ve [22F] been seeing this guy [23M] for two months. Last week, we told each other we loved each other for the first time. Afterwards, I asked if I was his girlfriend and he told me I was. But the next date, I was next to him and he did that swipe up thing on your iPhone that clears the apps you’ve recently had open. I saw that the dating app Bumble was on the swipe up screen. The photo of the app made it look like he sent a message to a girl and she messaged back. I asked him if he was talking to other girls and he told me he had just deleted the app and that his swipe up sometimes shows a random screen from the app he’s been using. Then he went on his home screen to show me he didn’t still have Bumble on his phone. It was all a misunderstanding, he said.At first, I wasn’t too upset. But then I remembered the several times he had told me, unprompted, “you’re mine.” He started saying this on our third date. He asked me if I was seeing other guys and I said “no,” to which he responded that he wasn’t seeing other girls. When he asked what being official would mean for us, I told him it would mean for one that he couldn’t talk to other girls on dating apps (obviously) and that it would still hurt me if he was doing it now.I later found that he had been messaging girls until our fifth date and responding to other girls’ messages until our eighth date. Although the messaging itself bothered me, what truly bothered me was that he led me to believe I was “all his.” Although he didn’t see other girls, I’m not sure if it’s because he didn’t have any tempting offers.Then he goes on to tell me “he has been really confused lately and is still getting over things his ex. And he tried to warn me thar he wasn’t fully ready and that he didn’t want to get me caught up in it.” Yet he acted like he wanted to be in a relationship with me. He even started talking about bringing me to his friend’s wedding on our ninth date. I asked if I was his girl and he said “forever and always” lol. Literally right out of a Taylor Swift song. Now he isn’t sure what he needs to be ready for a relationship and whether he will need to be alone or go on dates with other people. He said he thinks he just needs more time with me, but he’s not positive. He told me he said all those things about me being his girl because he felt it in the moment and wanted to make himself think it was true and get used to it. He got out of a six year long relationship like five months ago (she cheated on him).This happened over text and I tried to call him, but he didn’t pick up because he was with his friends. Then I told him this was over and called one more time and he picked up. On maybe our seventh date, his friend who is a girl called him and talked to him and started crying and he comforted her for like half an hour. Supposedly she only calls him “during an emergency.”He was kind of a dick over text but when I saw him today in person, he seemed genuinely sorry and apologized multiple times. He told me he wanted to be with me and he loved me, he just needed more time to call me his girlfriend.TLDR; I’m not sure what to think. He lied to me twice. First about me being “all his” and then about me being his girlfriend. I know this makes him sound like a total asshole but he’s really sweet. I need advice.