Am I being stupid? Please help me internet, is dating this man a bad idea?

Hi everyone, this might be a little long, so thanks in advance if you read through.

I (25F) met a man (30M) through a friend and we really hit it off, similar sense of humour and good banter. Now this man is going to be entering treatment for cocaine addiction very soon, and has been off drugs (aside from weed) for 3 weeks. We've spent the last 6 days together and he has slept over twice. In this time I've met his parents (he lives at home) and his young nephew. It's moved quickly I think mainly because he'll be entering treatment soon and won't be as available.

The physical chemistry is great, he's more rough and aggressive than I've experienced with previous partners though. He chokes hard, I've got bruises on my neck and collarbone and he bruised my lips from kissing/biting really hard. He also tells me what to say during sex, stuff like, "who's daddy's girl?", "good girl", and "who do you belong to?", which I've never experienced before. I haven't told him about my childhood, but as someone who has experienced SA at the hands of my father this makes me a bit uncomfortable, but from my experiences I also have a hard time not doing what men say. That alone isn't alarming but also in his room at home there are holes in his walls from him punching through them, and he has cigarette burns from intentionally burning himself. It makes me wonder if these are early signs of bad things to come.

Now I'm not perfect, I've got a lot of childhood trauma (SA and physical/emotional/verbal abuse). I am bipolar and also have BPD, OCD, and PTSD, but I am medicated and am doing a lot better now compared to before treatment and meds. I have a good job, a nice apartment, and I'm generally taking pretty good care of myself. My experiences make me more understanding of others' struggles and I don't want to discard someone the way I've felt I've been in the past for my struggles with mental illness, but I also don't want to be blinded by that.

He is very sweet and affectionate, he tells me I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever been with and that he loves my body and all that. We laugh a lot and have a lot of similar interests, we have a lot of fun together. He's planning future things for us too, like road trips, festivals, and we do outdoorsy things together too, so it's not just sex.

His life is not as together as mine, he is very broke even though he has a good job (about 80k/year). His dad also told I should get in my car and run from this situation, his dad is a very quiet man, so I don't know if he was joking. At the same time he is entering treatment and focused on recovery. He smokes weed a lot and drinks a lot though, which has in turn triggered me to start drinking again. I have noticed some of my bad habits start to creep back in, and I don't want to slip up and go downhill.

I don't want to get in the way of his recovery, and I also don't want to be getting into something that may turn sour later on either. Is this a situation where a good man may just need to work through some things or is it something I should back out of? I don't want to throw someone away for their struggles because I've been through my own struggles and I think I've come out better. Or maybe I haven't and I'm attracting someone who is like my abusive father and I just can't see that. I don't know internet, I think I just need opinions from people outside of my circle because I don't feel I can see clearly right now. Thank you if you read this far, I hope you all are having a good day.

Submitted January 17, 2022 at 12:11AM

Hi everyone, this might be a little long, so thanks in advance if you read through.I (25F) met a man (30M) through a friend and we really hit it off, similar sense of humour and good banter. Now this man is going to be entering treatment for cocaine addiction very soon, and has been off drugs (aside from weed) for 3 weeks. We've spent the last 6 days together and he has slept over twice. In this time I've met his parents (he lives at home) and his young nephew. It's moved quickly I think mainly because he'll be entering treatment soon and won't be as available.The physical chemistry is great, he's more rough and aggressive than I've experienced with previous partners though. He chokes hard, I've got bruises on my neck and collarbone and he bruised my lips from kissing/biting really hard. He also tells me what to say during sex, stuff like, "who's daddy's girl?", "good girl", and "who do you belong to?", which I've never experienced before. I haven't told him about my childhood, but as someone who has experienced SA at the hands of my father this makes me a bit uncomfortable, but from my experiences I also have a hard time not doing what men say. That alone isn't alarming but also in his room at home there are holes in his walls from him punching through them, and he has cigarette burns from intentionally burning himself. It makes me wonder if these are early signs of bad things to come.Now I'm not perfect, I've got a lot of childhood trauma (SA and physical/emotional/verbal abuse). I am bipolar and also have BPD, OCD, and PTSD, but I am medicated and am doing a lot better now compared to before treatment and meds. I have a good job, a nice apartment, and I'm generally taking pretty good care of myself. My experiences make me more understanding of others' struggles and I don't want to discard someone the way I've felt I've been in the past for my struggles with mental illness, but I also don't want to be blinded by that.He is very sweet and affectionate, he tells me I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever been with and that he loves my body and all that. We laugh a lot and have a lot of similar interests, we have a lot of fun together. He's planning future things for us too, like road trips, festivals, and we do outdoorsy things together too, so it's not just sex.His life is not as together as mine, he is very broke even though he has a good job (about 80k/year). His dad also told I should get in my car and run from this situation, his dad is a very quiet man, so I don't know if he was joking. At the same time he is entering treatment and focused on recovery. He smokes weed a lot and drinks a lot though, which has in turn triggered me to start drinking again. I have noticed some of my bad habits start to creep back in, and I don't want to slip up and go downhill.I don't want to get in the way of his recovery, and I also don't want to be getting into something that may turn sour later on either. Is this a situation where a good man may just need to work through some things or is it something I should back out of? I don't want to throw someone away for their struggles because I've been through my own struggles and I think I've come out better. Or maybe I haven't and I'm attracting someone who is like my abusive father and I just can't see that. I don't know internet, I think I just need opinions from people outside of my circle because I don't feel I can see clearly right now. Thank you if you read this far, I hope you all are having a good day.