My mom is so overprotective when it comes to my dating life

I (21F) haven’t openly dated a man in front of my family yet. I currently have a secret boyfriend that I met on a dating app. We have been talking for over 4 months and have met up and go on dates in secret...we want to move towards a real relationship. He’s understanding of my situation. The issue is that my mother is soo overprotective when it comes to my dating life.

She is always asking if there are any men in my life or any guys I’m talking to. She wants me to have a boyfriend but no guy is good enough for her. Whenever I mention a guy that I know, she freaks out. I can say, “Oh yeah, a guy at church was telling me about his antique toy car collection and he has quite a few”. She will get all paranoid and say, “Oh that’s weird, is he trying to date you? Stay away from him”. One of my mutual friends has a taxidermy fox that I told her about, and she freaked out about him even though we are literally just mutual acquaintances from a work friend. Any hobby/interest she doesn’t like or understand is automatically a no in any possible boyfriend.

My entire life is kept secret. Anytime I go on a date I will have to lie and say I’m going to a work event or something for my church volunteer club. If I get a text message she has to ask who is texting me an what they were talking about, where I know the person, etc. It gets incredibly exhausting. My current “boyfriend” is so compatible with me but I know she wouldn’t approve just based on the fact he wasn’t raised in the church and enjoys fishing, while my mom is a vegan. I am vegan too but my boyfriend fishing isn’t an issue for me. Her standards are higher than mine. I have discussed a few men I was talking to in the past with her and it always goes poorly. It’s always that the man isn’t tall enough, he doesn’t make enough money, he has weird hobbies (which so do I), he’s not a strong enough Christian, etc. I get that she wants the best for me but it honestly irritates me how far she goes with it. My mom doesn’t even believe that men and women can be friend, so anytime I get a text from a guy she automatically thinks we are dating.

I’m hoping to move out soon, but as usual she’s all paranoid about that as well. Moving out right now may end up destroying our relationship. I honestly don’t know. What can I do about this? Dating is a part of my life right now and I can’t keep it secret forever. I’m an adult but feel more restricted than 14 year olds in this family.

Submitted December 25, 2021 at 02:12AM

I (21F) haven’t openly dated a man in front of my family yet. I currently have a secret boyfriend that I met on a dating app. We have been talking for over 4 months and have met up and go on dates in secret...we want to move towards a real relationship. He’s understanding of my situation. The issue is that my mother is soo overprotective when it comes to my dating life.She is always asking if there are any men in my life or any guys I’m talking to. She wants me to have a boyfriend but no guy is good enough for her. Whenever I mention a guy that I know, she freaks out. I can say, “Oh yeah, a guy at church was telling me about his antique toy car collection and he has quite a few”. She will get all paranoid and say, “Oh that’s weird, is he trying to date you? Stay away from him”. One of my mutual friends has a taxidermy fox that I told her about, and she freaked out about him even though we are literally just mutual acquaintances from a work friend. Any hobby/interest she doesn’t like or understand is automatically a no in any possible boyfriend.My entire life is kept secret. Anytime I go on a date I will have to lie and say I’m going to a work event or something for my church volunteer club. If I get a text message she has to ask who is texting me an what they were talking about, where I know the person, etc. It gets incredibly exhausting. My current “boyfriend” is so compatible with me but I know she wouldn’t approve just based on the fact he wasn’t raised in the church and enjoys fishing, while my mom is a vegan. I am vegan too but my boyfriend fishing isn’t an issue for me. Her standards are higher than mine. I have discussed a few men I was talking to in the past with her and it always goes poorly. It’s always that the man isn’t tall enough, he doesn’t make enough money, he has weird hobbies (which so do I), he’s not a strong enough Christian, etc. I get that she wants the best for me but it honestly irritates me how far she goes with it. My mom doesn’t even believe that men and women can be friend, so anytime I get a text from a guy she automatically thinks we are dating.I’m hoping to move out soon, but as usual she’s all paranoid about that as well. Moving out right now may end up destroying our relationship. I honestly don’t know. What can I do about this? Dating is a part of my life right now and I can’t keep it secret forever. I’m an adult but feel more restricted than 14 year olds in this family.