/u/zinnia_cosmos on Question for people in or have been in (an) Ace/Allo relationship(s)

I'm not really sure it's my place to give advice about anxiety since I'm not a therapist and I don't really know you, but I can give more of my own experience in a way that will hopefully be helpful.

No, I was never anxious. After our first date I knew he was "the one." I don't know how to explain it - I think "the one" narratives are often super toxic, but that's just how I felt. I knew I was don't dating and I'd found a person for me. Haven't felt different at all since, even when things have been difficult.

When we started our relationship, my partner didn't know he was ace. He is pretty ambivalent about identifying as "ace" at all - he recognizes that his experience matches asexuality almost to a T, but he honestly just thinks he's normal and everyone else is weird haha. But when we started dating, he was very sexually inexperienced. He was open to trying because he liked me and had FOMO and it was new, but once the initial thrill of exploration wore off after the first couple months, things dropped off pretty quickly. I struggled with the perceived rejection for years, which was really hurtful and painful to me, so realizing he is ace and talking about it with him through that lens was honestly a major improvement - it gave us avenues to grow in and ways to work on improving our relationship so as to be more fulfilling for both of us. I'm a lot less anxious about our relationship now that I understand him better and "know the rules of the game" if that makes sense.





August 05, 2021 at 11:35PM
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