/u/TrgdrBurnin8r on aces who have had sex, how would you describe the experience?

I’ve had a few different sexual partners - two before I realized I was ace, and one after.

The first one forced me into sex all the time and I never found it to be enjoyable, but I chalked that up to not wanting it in the first place. I would definitely say sex with that partner felt similar to what you described.

My second sexual partner never forced me into sex, but it was still not a super enjoyable thing for me overall. I participated because I cared about him deeply and knew it was just as much (if not more so) about the emotional connection as the physical aspect for him. I enjoyed the emotional aspect and I enjoyed knowing that participating in this physical act made him feel closer to me emotionally, but the physical sensations were seriously lacking. I just could not understand the appeal of sex. At. All.

My third and current sexual partner is also ace and, going into the relationship, neither of us expected to ever have sex with each other. But we ended up down that path one night, and now we have sex very occasionally. And it’s very different from when I had sex with allo partners. I don’t know if it’s because he’s ace or because my previous partners were just bad at sex, but damn can this man make me feel things I didn’t know I could feel! When we’re both in the mood for sex, it’s incredible. But it being incredible when we do have it still doesn’t make us want to have it all that often, haha. So it’s super rare that we do have sex, but when we do it feels really great. I think a lot of that might also be communication. We’re a lot more open with each other than I ever was with my past partners, which leads to good things (in all aspects of the relationship, not just the bedroom). Since we’re both ace, we were kind of like “hey, I have no freaking clue what I’m supposed to do here” and we were able to experiment with each other without feeling embarrassed or ashamed about being inexperienced and stuff. We could tell each other more easily what was good and what wasn’t, and I think that made a big difference.

But that’s just me. I know a lot of aces don’t find sex enjoyable at all, ever. Just like a lot of aces are way more sexual than I am. :)





September 23, 2019 at 12:20AM
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